Now this is an interesting topic. There are some that refuse to get the point because they know it makes their music collection look lame. At least that is what I am guessing. They try to split hairs on the subject to avoid the point. You ever hear of the saying “If the shoe fits, where it?” Well that is what I am trying to say here. It’s not my fault you like fake bands. It’s not my fault you are a shallow minded drone who gets their music info from places like Rolling Stones, Spin, Billboard, or MTV. It’s not my fault you shop at Hot Topics. I’m just the messenger.
They will try to debunk the concept of poser bands by giving weak examples. What about David Bowie? Was he a poser when he was acting like an alien? Well if you can’t tell the difference between David Bowie and someone who is a total fake then I don’t know what to tell you. Maybe you are a poser? What about The Monkees? Well they were not even a real band. They were the product of a tv show. The main focus was not the music. They were using music as a vessel to put on a comedy show.
No, what I am talking about are bands that put looking like a “rockstar” above writing good music. I am talking about the bands that put how they look in their press photo above how meaningful their lyrics are. I am talking about the bands that put celebrity above the art and craft of music. That is a poser. If you are in denial of that then you are a poser in denial. Sorry if that hurts your feelings, but it’s true. Rock n’ Roll ain’t supposed to be safe. It should never be pretty either. Real Rock N’ Roll (in it’s purest form) should be dirty, ugly, and mean. So enjoy your pretty boy rock and I will be listening to Motorhead!
Top Ten ways to tell if your favorite band are posers!
1. Have they ever consulted a fashion expert of any kind?
2. Would you picture them downing a shot of whiskey before a show or a good strong cup of tea?
3. If they saw a chipmunk in the middle of the road while cruising down the highway in their tour bus would they say…
a. Stop that matches my argyle sweater!
b. Floor it!
4. Do they have to steal from real musicians like Joe Satriani
5. Do they look clean cut?
6. Do they use more midi cables than guitars but yet are not in an industrial band
7. Have they ever been seen drunk, caught doing drugs, or done jail time?
8. Have they ever been arrested for fighting?
9. After a show do you think they eat meat and potatoes or a nice salad? Both?
10. Do they put style above substance?
Just for the record, I am NOT saying a band has to fit all of these. I am not saying that if the band fits any of these that they should be dismissed. My point is that if the more of these that fit, the better the chances that they are not down and dirty Rock N’ Roll.
I could name bands by name like Radiohead, Coldplay, Daft Punk, Oasis, or a few others, but I think I’ve pissed off enough people for today. Maybe for another top ten list some other time. Get your hate mail ready!
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