More times than I have cared to count I have been woken up by a commercial with more ignorance per second than I have heard in a long time. It starts out with this little quote, “There’s the week, there’s the weekend, and then there’s the Weekender.”  Ok, seriously? Two of those are measurements of time and one is a tangible product. You can’t compare them. It makes no sense at all. You’ve heard of “Apples to oranges”? Well this is apples to quantum singularity!

The next line is almost as bad. This part is almost annoying as the first one. This guy comes on and claims “I’m not one of those call now guys.” Correct me if I’m wrong, but doesn’t that make him the quintessential ‘Call Now Guy’ from this point on? I think we should all start throwing stuff at this guy when we see him on the street while we yell “Screw you ‘Call Now Guy’. You suck!”  Then he follows that up with “…but you should call now.” If that doesn’t make him the official ‘Call Now Guy’ I don’t know what would.

The commercial ends with “Who doesn’t like to start the weekend a day early?” I think someone out there should just not show up for work and when your boss asks you why just say you subscribe to this moronic waste of trees. Yeah, that’s your excuse. You started the weekend a day early like the bimbo said you could. Then sue the New York Times when you get fired. There have been way more frivolous law suits that have one. I think you have a chance.

As I said at the start of this rant, this is why DVR’s are killing advertising. People like me pop a blood vessel when we hear such concentrated forms of moronic drivel. I hope some of the people responsible for this garbage see this and put a stop to it so I can go back to respecting this paper. If not it at least made me feel better to get this off my chest. Now really, it’s a physical entity that had lodged itself in between my chest hairs. Do you think I’d say something so retarded if it wasn’t true?  Who do you think I am? The New York Times?