Awards

Why The Golden Globes Can Suck It!

Sunday, January 17th, 2010
by Mark Carras

Golden Globes Can Suck It

So the the Hollywood Foreign Press Association has announced nominations for the 2010 Golden Globe Awards. Who the hell is that and why should you care? Well that is the Golden Globes, so no reason to care at all as far as I am concerned.

Now I could go on and on about why I think award shows like this are about as useless, lame, and shallow as it gets, but I would rather have this one told by the people who follow me.

On Twitter Follow The Reaper was as eloquent as always…

Now why does this explain my own thoughts so well? It is the exact problem! Unless you have no life, you shouldn’t care what awards these bimbos and douchbags win. The speeches they give are so trite you would think they just wrote one speech half a century ago. It’s like a computer program just fills in the blanks like it was a damn Mad Libs game. I’d rather watch my cat take a crap too. Out of all the replies I got, this one wins my award!

Lisa Yury is always short and sweet. “They’re always giving awards to those who don’t even really deserve it. LaMe!” Now I don’t know who won the awards, but when I read about it Monday morning I am pretty sure I will sigh in disappointment more than I am shocked at true talent getting their just rewards.

Now I’ve known Bert Webb for a couple decades now and he has always been an over the top kind of guy. So I’m not shocked at all that he was the only one (at the time of this post) that gave me a full top ten.
1. Commercials are better than the show 2. The only thing that wins I have never seen 3. Lady Ga Ga scares me 4. Who is Bradley Cooper 5. Rich people kissing 6. I have never actually known anyone that wears Versace 7. Screw Ricky Gervaise 8. Coldplay 9.Twilight 10. Kanye West

I despise commercials, so it means something when I say I agree with number 1. The movies that truly push the envelope will never win awards, so #2 is correct as well. If you are not scared by Lady Ga Ga you have some serious issues. Me and Bert have serious issues and that bitch still scares us! Turns out Bradley Cooper was Will Tippin in the TV series Alias. I haven’t really cared since then though and to be honest he wasn’t why anyone watched that show either. Nice enough guy I’m sure, but i still don’t care. Number 5 is an interesting one. I will assume it is about those pure Hollywood kisses they do on award shows where no real contact is done but they pretend to almost kiss each cheek. Lamest Hollywood cliche ever! if you have ever done this please save the world and kill yourself now. Same thing goes for anyone who wears Versace. Number 7 is the only one on Bert’s list that I come even close to not agreeing with. From what little I have seen of Ricky Gervais, he seems ok. Not sure he deserves to host the damn thing though. 8. Coldplay 9.Twilight 10. Kanye West? If you enjoy any of these things please kill yourself. Thank you.

I almost forgot about my friends on Plurk. Which would have been a sad thing since they are a pleasantly talkative bunch. Click here to join in on this great social network!

In short, these awards shows represent everything I hate about the entertainment industry. It is the worst of the worst. The most fake jerking off the most shallow. It’s time for the “cool” kids to heap praises on each other and we little people are supposed to feel uplifted by some strange form of osmosis. Screw the Golden Globes and screw you if you fell for their crap show. You are part of the problem so suck it!