advice
Tuesday, May 11th, 2010
by Mark Carras
3 Rules to attracting women
Anthony Michael Hall - Chick Magnet
I’m just a loser with an awesome wife:
To start off I know that pretty much any guy who gives advice on this subject ends up looking like a total douchebag. I also know that is because they are trying to make you believe they can turn some total nerd into some Penthouse Pet magnet. That is not what this post is about. This is just an open letter to a friend. This is not some “lady’s man” giving advice. I’m not some Fabio or anything. In fact, I’m kind of a loser, but yet I have a really great wife. That is the point here. How does a guy get a good woman without being some muscle bound douchebag or a privileged rich guy who can throw money around? I have very little going for me to be honest. I’m not rich, I’m overweight, I don’t play guitar in some band, and I’m well past my prime. That is why I feel I can give advice. I got what many “losers” like me want. A Good woman.
A Letter To A Friend:
A very young friend is going through some female troubles and I felt the need to give him some advice. With him being not just young, but very “green” he is kind of clueless about a great many things. What are his woman problems? He can’t get one! I have seen this really screw with guys and turn otherwise really nice guys into screwed up psychos. So let me explain what women want as simply as possible.
Make A Woman Laugh And She Will Melt In Your Hands
Women want three things in a guy. First off is commonly listed as companionship. What this really amounts to is being able to make them laugh. If you can bring laughter to a girl she will melt in your hands. Sure she wants someone to snuggle with, hang out with, pour her heart out to, and all that crap, but mostly she wants you to make her laugh. Get a good sense of humor and you will get a woman.
Don’t Be Such A Wuss
Second thing that women look for is very primal. They want someone to protect them. Now many women will get very offended by this one, but it is true. You don’t need to be some knuckle dragging co-mag or anything. Just be able to carry yourself like you can’t be dwarf tossed if someone wants to harm her. This friend of mine could be dwarf tossed pretty easy. He needs to start working out a ton before this method can be used.
Yes, Money Gets You Chicks
The third thing is also very primal, but I shouldn’t tick off too many of my female readers by mentioning it. They want a good provider. They want someone who can bring home that proverbial bacon. Now some women only care about this one. We call them soulless gold diggers. Stay clear of them. You want a woman that wants a nice balance of all three of these things. Otherwise they are probably annoying drama queens with serious issues and only good for a one night stand. Seriously, the kind of women you can only get if you have tons of cash are worthless whores. A good woman will stick with you when you are penniless. Once you sense they are after money, RUN!
Bill Gates is one bad mother
Now some guys have only one of these qualities. Look at Bill Gates. That guy can provide like no one else, but I am willing to bet I can win in a fight with the guy no problem. It would take two hits. I’d hit him and he would hit the ground. Yet there is no question that he could get a trillion times more women than I could (however is was smart enough to go more for brains than looks with his wife) Hell, even though I could kick his ass, he could pay me to lick his boots! So who’s the bigger man? He is. Now this friend of mine is not going to have a ton of luck bulking up. He could however work on his sense of humor and being a better provider.
Get A Real Job
He got into his current line of work right out of high school. It doesn’t pay the best and to be honest it is a waste for him to be doing what he does. He is smart enough to get a job paying at least twice what he currently makes. He has people telling him to aim higher, but he is happy settling for way less than his potential. The annoying thing is that he can’t see that getting a better paying job could be his solution to his lady problems. I’m not saying to get some shallow money hungry bimbo, but most women won’t give him a chance if he does what he currently does for a living.
Don’t go for just looks
No guy wants a 300 pound wife with warts on her face, but I recommend not making looks the biggest priority. When I was single I dated all kinds of women and I noticed that the hotter they looked the worse they were. They either had more baggage than a discount airline on Christmas weekend, were dumber than a rock, or more mentally unstable than Britney Spears on a trip to her hairdresser. Go for a woman with brains. Go for a woman who is a friend first. Go for a woman who will totally support you in your life goals instead of giving you grief every time you turn around. Then if she is attractive too, grab her and don’t let go! Again, I’m just saying what worked for me.
Now sure I have really simplified things with only three things, but these three simple things will get any guy way greater chances. Us guys are even more simple. We want sex. Maybe a woman that can cook, but if the sex is good enough we can order out. Again there are exceptions, but these rules work. Deny it all you want. It’s true. It’s better to be decent at as many of these as you can than to rank really high at one and not rank at all on the others. In other words if all you have is money you will get a low quality woman. If all you have is being able to kick ass, you will end up with a low quality woman. If all you can do is make her laugh, you will not end up with the best woman. However, if you make a respectable paycheck, can keep from getting dwarf tossed, and have a good sense of humor, you can find a woman worthy of staying with for the rest of your life. This friend of mine is the nice guy that will finish last unless he changes some things in his life. How do I know this? I used to be just like him.
Saturday, May 1st, 2010
by Mark Carras
Why most Start Up Advice Is Total Bullshit
Money
Most of you should know by now that I run a little start up called HeavyAsHell.com. I have been known to throw what is more than the equivalent of half a years paychecks into the site and burn through it in a month trying to get people to jump into it. Why? Partially because I am insane. Ask anyone that knows me in the real world and they will verify this. The other reason is that I really believe in the site and think that if this thing had enough resources it would explode and make some serious money back. Because of this I try everything I can to learn as much as I can about doing a start up and getting investors. Hell, even getting access to these people is pretty hard. This is why @Jason can do so well with Twist, TechCrunch50, and The Open Angel Forum. He has connections to make things happen for people like me who have zero contacts. However, there is a few problems I have with the advice people like him give to us wannabes.
Now let me be clear that @Jason is not at all the focus of this rant. In fact I would say he helps more than most. In fact, I have heard him mention things like this way less than most. I have a feeling I know the reason why. Most of the people are full of crap and he isn’t. What is this bullshit I am referring too? My biggest gripe is when I hear people say that your first round of funding should be from family and friends. Ok, sure. I could probably convince family and friends to give me $20 here and there. Hell, I might be able to drum up a few hundred if I really work at it and beg with the most pathetic puppy dog eyes. So what’s the problem? These advice givers say the amounts should be anything from $100,000 to a cool million! If I could borrow that kind of money from family and friends I wouldn’t need investors!
When I hear people give the advice to borrow $1000,000 from family and friends my first thought is what planet they are from. The answer of course is the planet of spoiled rich kids. If you can borrow that kind of money from family and friends then you were born with a golden spoon in your mouth. It reminds me of that horrid show Sweet 16 where they get these kids that just have no clue how the real world works. Hell, there is an Incubator I would love to get in with called Tech Stars, but I can’t come up with the $6,000 in time for the June 1st deadline. So I am currently looking at preparing for a year long shut down of everything I do online so I can work myself to death to save up that money. This is all so that I can get an investor to invest in HAH so I can show what this thing can really do. Borrow a hundred grand from family and friends? You people are on crack!
So if you are an investor and want to invest a hundred grand into my start up, I can promise you that I will make you a profit. I am the Rocky Balboa of entrepreneurs and I have that “south Paw” hook that will knock everyone in my way down for the count. If you are one of the people giving this bad advice to start ups, I would like to request five minutes in a boxing ring with you so I can try and knock some sense into your naive little brain. We obviously don’t live on the same planet, but I am willing to drop kick you hard enough to get you to see how this side of the galaxy lives. I will also shove that golden spoon so far up your ass that you will shit 14 karat turds for a year. Douchebag!
Tuesday, February 17th, 2009
by Mark Carras
CLICK HERE for the current version of this list
The hardest rocking music industry Twitter users & why you should follow them!
No, really. This list is outdated. CLICK HERE for the current version.
So when I set out to make this list my original goal was to rank the top 100 people in the heavy music industry. I wanted to list the people that were most likely to help a struggling metal or hard rock band. I recently saw some really lame list of several hundred so called rock bands and to be honest it pissed me off! The band’s on that list wouldn’t know rock if Lemmy from Motorhead kicked it up their backside with the end of his boot! Just like Digg is filed with nothing but a bunch of 3 piece suit band fanboys, Twitter was being made out to be the same thing. I knew there were some metal lovin’ geek out in Twitter land and they needed to be ranked. So I tried my best to find the top 100 of real rock and metal people on Twitter. The small problem was I couldn’t find 100. So for this list I rounded it down to the top 50, but in a few months I plan to try this again.
No, really. This list is outdated. CLICK HERE for the current version.
Please know that there are some that didn’t make the list because they hadn’t updated in about a year. Some very high profile metal industry companies that have left their Twitter accounts lay dead. This is also how I ranked this list. Does the person follow people back? Do they respond to fans or unsigned bands in a reasonable manner? Do they have the power to help unknown bands and will they? Don’t like it? Make your own list! Send me the link and I will send it out to everyone on my list.
No, really. This list is outdated. CLICK HERE for the current version.
If you have someone (including yourself) that should be on the list when I do make it the top 100, please send me the link on Twitter! I didn’t put myself on this list because you all probably already follow me. Plus I’m not sure I am as powerful as these people. Enjoy!
No, really. This list is outdated. CLICK HERE for the current version.
50. http://twitter.com/eveofdoom
Editor of Geeks of Doom, heavy metal-lovin’, headbanging, bass-playing, vegan chick
49. http://twitter.com/recsoftheflesh
An unknown band that is using technology to push themselves to the next level at all times.
48. http://twitter.com/plugola
PLUGOLA is a social music community & digital marketplace, for independent musicians AND their fans.
47. http://twitter.com/XTRMPromotions
He may not be too tech savvy, but he is learning and is the go to guy for “get in the van” tours for bands on a budget.
46. http://twitter.com/RocmanUSA
Video editor extraordinaire! May not be the cheapest, but he is one of the best.
45. http://twitter.com/Mick_Shrimpton
Claims to be the former drummer of Spinal Tap. Legit or not he has a very comedic way of looking at the music industry.
44. http://twitter.com/Stickam
Ever thought of streaming your concert live for the world to see? This contact can set you up with no charge at all!
43. http://twitter.com/unsect
The official band channel. They play Hard rock with electronic elements and ambient textures.
42. http://twitter.com/metalextremo
Online Metal fanzine from Brazil. Very passionate!
41. http://twitter.com/HeavyAsHell
Official Twitter account for the hardest rocking social news site on the net!
40. http://twitter.com/nicefishfilms
He does a podcast that combines music and tech as well as blogs about music industry news a lot.
39. http://twitter.com/FTWM
Feed the world with a song! Altruism is great PR.
38. http://twitter.com/gladhandermusic
Great band using tech to get the word out on their music.
37. http://twitter.com/decepticrat
Not sure he wants it out why he is important to metal, but he is very powerful in social news circles.
36. http://twitter.com/MusicGoat
Podcaster, blogger, and music fan…a great part of which is metal!
35. http://twitter.com/polymath22
His major passion is a site called Ning. He is a heavy music fan.
34. http://twitter.com/Mortalwind
Very well known in social news circles. If you can get him into your music he might use his power to help you.
33. http://twitter.com/DarkNemesis618
Programmer for both RockMyMonkey.com & HeavyAsHell.com
32. http://twitter.com/SilentJay74
One of the top users of Mixx.com and a total heavy music fan. Part of the social news podcast Social Blend. Total smartass!
31. http://twitter.com/cGt2099
Another key member of the Social Blend crew as well as a top user of Mixx.com
30. http://twitter.com/metalsucks
The number one metal loving Word Press blog.
29. http://twitter.com/aversionline
Webzine
28. http://twitter.com/robinjection
Robert Pasbani of Metal Injection fame.
27. http://twitter.com/Sleazegrinder
Sleaze Grinder webzine.
26. http://twitter.com/deathisgain713
Death Is Gain webzine
25. http://twitter.com/metaledgeblog
Although not the Metal Edge magazine in the U.S. that recently went under, this one still seems to be active. Not sure what country they are from though.
24. http://twitter.com/censoredmetal
A Metal Webzine/Blog
23. http://twitter.com/MetalMartyr
Webzine
22. http://twitter.com/apeshit
APESHIT is an extreme metal webzine.
21. http://twitter.com/ThrashHits
Webzine
20. http://twitter.com/HallOfMetal
webzine
19. http://twitter.com/metalinjection
Watch br00tal videos or upload your own. Get your fix!
18. http://twitter.com/rnrgeek
Live podcaster
17. http://twitter.com/chriscornell
Ex-singer for Soundgarden not too metal anymore, but still worth a mention.
16. http://twitter.com/bumblefoot
Guitarist for the current Guns And Roses
15. http://twitter.com/sebastianbach
Ex-lead singer of Skid Row. Current band are the same guy Rob Halford from Judas Priest uses on his solo stuff. Amazing stuff!
14. http://twitter.com/victoryrecords
It’s a record label. Look ‘em up!
13. http://twitter.com/dillingerescpln
The band Dillinger Escape Plan
12. http://twitter.com/Download2009
The legendary music festival. Line up is always the best Rock, heavy metal, & punk of that year.
11. http://twitter.com/vurnt22
Remember the band Living Color? They had a few pop rock singles, but most of their stuff is closer to the Bad Brains. Check ‘em out!
10. http://twitter.com/HeadbangersBlog
The blog version of Headbangers Ball
9. http://twitter.com/Revolvermag
One of the few metal magazines still in print.
8. http://twitter.com/kerrangmagazine
One of the longest running print metal magazines in the world.
7. http://twitter.com/EaracheRecords
If I have to explain who Earache Records are I’m gonna have to smack you upside your head!
6. http://twitter.com/digearache
Head guy at Earache Records
5. http://twitter.com/ChrisSteffen
Writer from Rolling Stone magazine. Writes about metal often for them.
4. http://twitter.com/thatmetalshow
Talk show on VH1 about metal
3. http://twitter.com/ianchriste
Author of the best metal encyclopedia Sounds Of The Beast, SiriusXM Satellite Radio dj, his band appears on the soundtrack to the cult film Gummo.
2. http://twitter.com/talkingmetal
One of the leading metal podcasts.
1. http://twitter.com/CotterCity
Not only does he run the most powerful ad network for metal websites, but he also started Blistering.com
No, really. This list is outdated. CLICK HERE for the current version.
Well there it is. What do you think? Please feel free to let the people on this list know about it, because it would look kind of strange if I sent 50 individual messages out myself. That would be bad etiquette. However, if everyone that reads this sends it to one person that would be a good thing. As always, if you need something sent out just let me know. Thanks.
This list has been moved, updated, and automated!
CLICK HERE for the current version!
Friday, February 13th, 2009
by Mark Carras
So yesterday I talked about why search tags are so important and why you should never be lazy about them, but how often should you update your site? Well, first off you need to know one thing. Google loves blogs. Don’t think of a blog in the standard way. Think of it as a content management system. Now I must beg you to not use the crappy MySpace Blogs. They are not search engine friendly, don’t have good RSS feeds, and just suck overall. They are the worst blog systems on the Internet. If you are going to blog from MySpace then you don’t care enough to even read my articles. Just give up and enjoy your burger job you lazy piece of crap!
So what bog should you use for your band updates? Well, this site is done with Word Press and it is very search engine friendly. Google owns Blogger, so you know that is going to be logged into their search engine. Those are the two best for what a band needs. Now I must mention some advice I currently do not follow yet myself. I was recently informed by Pamela Weir that I was not using “search engine friendly urls”. At first I didn’t get it to be honest. It seems that in the control panel of Word Press you have the option of having either nice short url’s or search engine friendly urls. I picked the wrong one when setting this thing up, so now when I switch I have to set up a bunch of re-directs so links back to these articles work. So I will be fixing that this weekend I hope. So make sure you have search engine friendly urls. This would mean that the headline is part of the web address.
Now how often to post? Well, this is all about new people finding your band. Post often. In fact post as often as you can. If you can get into the habit of posting at least once a day it would be a good habit. Why? Because Google loves blogs. The more pages, the more words for the Google bot to log in. The more words Google has loggged into their search engine that are connected to your site the better the chances a search result will link to your bands website.
So it can do amazing things for your search engine results to run a daily blog. I know you think most will not care that the band didn’t practice today but instead just hit the local Taco Bell, grabbed some brews, and hung out and watched the football game together. However, think of all the key words I had in that one sentence alone! If you can post 300-400 words a day it will get your band a ton more traffic. More trafic means more fans. More fans equals pure awesomeness…right? So get blogging already!
Thursday, February 12th, 2009
by Mark Carras
Why is Google calling me names and how can it help your band? If you pull up the search terms “how do you know if your a poser” on Google about halfway down the second page of results you will see this…
I'm a Google Poser!
Why is Google calling me a poser? Well actually what happened is more my fault. On this site you can search for articles with specific “tags”. Each tag basically is given it’s own page. I was lazy on one article and only gave it one tag. That tag was “poser“. Google works by sending a bot around the web to collect data to base it’s searches on. That bot found the page of results on the tag poser for this site. So a search engine found a results page for the internal search feature for MarkCarras.com. Yes, that makes it a search result of a search result.
So why is this important to your band? Well, if you use modern website software (known as CMS or content management system) you will be asked to give tags to each update your band does on your site. Don’t be lazy about your tags like I was for this article or Google might start calling you names. Worse yet, people might not find your band’s website when they are looking for something your band sings about, does, or cares about. New people finding your band is important right? Your tags should be just as important.
Wednesday, February 11th, 2009
by Mark Carras
One of the most important things to remember when using social marketing is target audience. In other words, why follow people that have nothing to do with music? There are tons of SEO, Internet marketers, and bloggers out there that are no better than the spammers that fill your email inbox with phishing scams trying to get your bank info. Not saying all of them are that way, but social networks seem to attract the worst of them like flies on crap.
The best way to find the music people you want is to first find just one legit music type. Then go through their friend list and grab the ones that look like they might be able to help get the word out on your band. As I have pointed out before, you want to follow back every legit person that follows you. It’s just good Internet etiquette. However, you should be careful about not following back the low life scum. These people will follow several thousand people in hopes they get followed back. They prey on your guilty conscience. You are better off without them in your circle because they are not your target audience. The band that has 100,000 followers on Twitter can get way less reaction than the band with 100 quality followers because if you have thousands of followers most of them really don’t care about your music. In fact it may be less than 1%. It’s like spending a few thousand dollars on a specific metal ad network like Fixion Media or spending thousands advertising on the Today show. Just as middle age housewives won’t care about your band, neither will SEO spammers. It’s all about target audience!
Now we’ve talked about reaching music industry people like the music specific bloggers, booking agents, record labels, and other music industry people your band should network with, but what about actual fans? Well you need to make sure and use the embeddable widgets on every website the band is part of. Both MySpace and Facebook have ways to do this. Put it on your main official website as well. Put it everywhere you can. This way your fans can follow you on all these social networks. Then they will bring in their friends and your fan base can grow. This is better because it gets you your target audience. Plus because of this you will end up with way more followers than people you are following. This makes you look more legit. Remember that a social networking profile that has way less followers than people they are following shouldn’t be trusted.
Of course a good start to finding that target audience is to follow me on both Twitter & Plurk. If always plug the music profiles I think deserve more followers.