Tech consultant for Olympia, Lacey, And Tumwater

Koh Koh Merlot 2010

So as I have said before HERE, I am a beer snob. I love to mock wine drinkers just for fun as I did HERE.  But I am also a very curious person. As unpleasant as I find 99% of the wines out there, I have always wondered if there are any wines out there that don’t taste like either a Jolly Rancher or some nasty child’s cough syrup. This quest really started to kick into gear this last summer when I was able to meet SEATTLE WINE GAL at the legendary, awesome, and sadly final GNOMEDEX conference.  She had a very small wine tasting and was very patient trying to find a wine I would enjoy. The problem was that there was a very small selection because there was only a few hundred people to serve. Well today I went with MY WIFE to the CAPITAL FOOD AND WINE FESTIVAL to continue my mission. This place was packed with what I would guess was thousands of people, almost 50 winery’s, 15 brewery’s, and  about 20 food venders. This thing was massive enough to serve my needs to find out if there was a wine I might enjoy.

So the beers they had were pretty uninteresting to me. They were either pig swill from Budwiser or beers I have tried

Hoodsport Pear Wine

enough times that I had no need to taste them. I already knew which ones I liked and which ones I didn’t. I’m a beer snob and the beer selection they had was pathetic. So after a quick overview of what they had to offer, the mission was on. Since I know jack about wine, I had my wife lead the way. I didn’t bother keeping track of the wines that totally failed me. They tasted like the standard Jolly Rancher or some really unpleasant child’s cherry cough syrup. The first wine that didn’t suck was the Koh Koh Merlot 2010 from CLASSIC WINE MAKERS. It wasn’t amazing, but if I was at a friends house and they served this with diner I could drink it without complaint. I could tolerate it. It was very much ok. It tied for third place with one of the last wines I tried.

The second wine that didn’t suck turned out to be my favorite. It was a Pear Wine from HOODSPORT WINERY. My wife had two thoughts. Was it that this was a dessert wine or was it that this had citrus? Most wine’s are made with a very sharp tasting berry of some sort and come off as sickly sweet. This had a more mild flavor. It was like pear juice mixed with Karo Syrup.  Way more sweet than the beers I am used to, but it was the best wine I had found all day. If stuck in a

Tanjuli Orange Muscat 2006

situation where wine was all there was, I would go for this one. Hell, if I was in the right mood I might even enjoy it. Most of the time I would probably still prefer a good beer though. But this one got first place in my book. Hell, this one might even be worth keeping around the house! I didn’t love it, but it was good. And that is saying something coming from me.

Coming in right behind the Pear Wine was my second place choice Orange Muscat from TANJULI. Again with the citrus it seems. It seems to cut through the sickly sweet taste of normal wine. Like the Koh Koh Merlot, I wouldn’t say I would enjoy a glass of the stuff. I would say that in a situation where wine was what was being served in the social gathering, this is one I could drink without making that face your kid makes when you make them take medicine.  Not something that would excite me or anything, but I could hang. This one is almost worth keeping around the house, but only if my wife drinks it too. I might have a single glass.

The last wine I tried that was worth mentioning was the Chenin Blanc 2009 from KYRA WINES.  Again I would have

Kyra Wines Chenin Blanc 2009

to say that this was a wine that I could hang with, but I wouldn’t say it excited me. I could hang with it though if the situation arose. It was tolerable, but not worthy of having around the house. Now please understand that for a beer snob like myself, finding a wine that is tolerable is a pretty massive thing.  As a rule I find wine to be the most vile category of beverages man has made. For the most part I just do not get the obsession people have with it. But the fact is that in some social situations it is good to know what wines a non-wine drinker can hang with so they don’t come off as anti-social and rude. This was the reason for my quest.

So sorry SEATTLE WINE GAL, but I still have not found a wine that I would say I love. I still have not found a wine that I would say gets me excited. There are a ton of beers I would pick over even the Pear Wine that came in first. But in the right mood and maybe with the right meal I would enjoy a very occasional Pear Wine. Next year I plan to continue my quest because we have narrowed down the things to look for in a wine. First off, it must have citrus. Second, it must be a dessert wine. With this new knowledge my quest will continue. Maybe SEATTLE WINE GAL can make it down next time so her and MY WIFE can conspire and find that one elusive wine that makes me stop mocking you goofballs that love this beverage so much.

Oh, and the number one rule about tasting wine? Breathe out when you drink it because it all stinks like a garbage strike on a hot summer day. Oh, and I must mention that the music was way closer to my tastes than I thought it was going to be. No, there wasn’t any thrash bands, but they did rock way harder than I expected. I was shocked the 60 and up crowd didn’t run screaming.

Yes, I have something brewing for March of 2010. It’s a campaign launch for a start up that has been in public beta for awhile now. Well, we are ready to take this thing seriously now and will be launching a national contest & viral marketing campaign. I can’t give too many details here, but I am looking for someone to make a documentary of my attempt. This is the biggest thing I have ever been involved in and if works it will be a great testament of human spirit. If you have seen Anvil:The story of Anvil you will know what I am talking about. Of course if it is a total flop it can be a lesson in what not to do. Either way you win. If I win I will win big. If I fail I will fail big. I am putting everything I got into this to lengths I will not go into detail about at here.

Whoever makes this movie, it is their movie alone. The creator owns it lock stock and barrel. It is also your movie budget. I am putting everything into the campaign. I don’t have anything to put into your movie. This is why you get all the profits. You are taking all the risk. it’s only fair.

As far as control goes, I want this thing to be honest. So I will do everything in my power to give the creator as much control as possible. The only major rule are to leave anyone out of it that asks not to be part of it. This just means I am open season. make it honest. In other words you can’t be some bible thumper trying to spin this into some preachy thing. If you have motives other than making an honest film I will boot you out the door without a thought. Pretty simple eh? A good documentary will sometimes make it’s subject look bad. We are human and we make mistakes. The film should show that. It should also show the triumphs. Hope that’s clear.

You should either be from Olympia WA or at least be willing to travel and stay here for at least that month to film. A ton will happen in that month. Feel free to try and film before that, but it won’t be as predictable when I’m working on things. I will not provide room or boarding. That is up to you.

Further details can be worked out in private. In fact, even the details above can be tweaked on private discussion. Contact me if you are interested.