Bob Rivers

People spend millions on trying to make a video go viral. Clueless publicists in the music industry call a video viral just because it’s on the internet. But being the most popular morning show on the radio for the Puget Sound area of Washington State, Bob Rivers and crew have some major pull most do not have. They are making a video soon and they want it to go viral. These are the top ten steps the Bob Rivers show should do to go viral. Oh, and I’m not doing this to get mentioned on the show. This site would crash if you did and I have no ads. Just trying to welcome back the show I love.

1. Digg.com
This is a social news site. If you can get the listeners to all go in at once and vote for your submission within an hour or so it will hit the front page. This will get it a flood of views really quick and help it show up in the “trending” charts. Once Pedro submits it you have a few hours at best to get a ton of votes. Use those listeners!

2. Reddit.com
Same as Digg as far as it works. Kind of like Coke Vs Pepsi they are both very important. Maybe do Digg one hour and Reddit the next.

3. MixxingBowl.com
This one may not get as much traffic as the first two, but it is still important. Make this the third one to try since the listeners might be getting tired of voting. You will not need as many votes to ‘front page’.

4. StumbleUpon
This one is MAJOR! But it will take a little more work from the listeners. They need to download the SU toolbar, go to the YouTube page of the video, and click the thumbs up icon on the toolbar. This will send a major amount of traffic as well. Possibly more than Digg or Reddit if you get enough listeners to give it the thumbs up.

5. Facebook
Pedro knows how powerful this one is. Make sure and post it there at the same time as everywhere else.

6. Twitter
You never mention the Twitter on air, but it can be pretty powerful. Tell the listeners to use the hash tag #bobrivers with the YouTube link so you show up as ‘trending’.

7. MySpace
Although not as powerful as it once was, it still has a ton of users.

8. Trending?
Trending is a very important word when trying to go viral. There are tons of websites, software, and apps that are there only to inform the power users and journalists what is trending. This is why it is so important to get that big rush of traffic right off the bat.

9. Be goofy, silly, and don’t have a message
If it is very clear that you are just there to entertain, people are more likely to spread it around. You people know goofy like no one else.

10. Can you handle it?
Remember when I said not to mention this site on the air because it would crash the servers? If you do all the stuff above you will probably crash even your top of the line servers that host the Bob Rivers and KJR website. Very few hosts are set up to handle that big of a spike in traffic. My business site RockMyMonkey.com is hosted by a company called Squarespace. They are one of the few that can handle massive spike like you will be trying to create. Last I checked they offered a free two week trial. Maybe use that to give the YouTube link a more easy to remember url. BobRivers.squarespace.com or something could work.

Why did I do this? Partly because I want to welcome you back in my own geeky way, but also it would be cool to know I helped something truly go viral. Good luck!

Anyways, this squirrel is nuts!

Anyone know how to delete icons on a Droid? The directions I was given do not work. Watch the video and tell me what I am doing wrong.

Droid 2

So more official news is finally coming out about the Droid 2. Anyone who has been paying any attention at all to my social networks is probably sick of me talking about it. I know my wife is. She’s told me as much. So now it is pretty much official that the Droid 2 may be ordered online on Wednesday and may be ordered in store on Thursday of this week. So not only is my waiting over, but I will now be able to have a new phone in time for Gnomedex. So I’m happy right? Oh hell no!

At the same time as they announce that I can get my Droid 2 in time for Gnomedex, they also announce that if I wait just a few weeks more I can get an R2-D2 version of the phone. With me being a major Star Wars nerd from way back before most of you were born, this is pure torture! There is no way I can wait any longer for a new phone, so I am going to get the regular Droid 2. However, I may have to put up with insane amounts of flack from my wife for switching up to the R2D2 version when it comes out just a few weeks later. Would I pay an extra couple hundred dollars to have a Star Wars version of a phone I purchased just weeks prior? Yes, I am THAT pathetic!

Now of course Verizon has a 30 day return policy, but I’m willing to bet they will release the R2D2 Droid 2 just over one month after the regular Droid 2. So either those poor clerks will have to deal with a flood of excited nerds exchanging their phones or they will deal with really pissed off nerds wanting to exchange their phones, but not being able to. Of course one could just wait an extra couple weeks before buying the regular Droid 2, so they fit into that return policy window, but I’m an American and so I’m more impatient than an Apple fanboy waiting for a chance to sniff Steve Jobs boxers.

No worries people. I hear that there will be a Verizon representative at Gnomedex, so I will do my best to get an interview with them. Maybe I can find out a way to get upgraded to the R2D2 phone from the regular Droid 2 without paying a few extra hundred dollars? So to my fellow nerds please keep watching this page for updates next weekend for further updates on this insanity. Before then I should be blogging daily about my adventures trying to get a Droid 2 phone on Thursday morning. Anyone want to go hunting with me?

The more I hear about Mixed Martial Arts, the more I think it’s popularity is fueled by closet homosexuality. To all you MMA fans, please know that it’s ok. We accept you for who you are. Now come out of the closet already because this is getting pathetic.

This one in a series of demotivators I myself created. Feel free to share.

Money

So this question was posed on Facebook recently by the ever so awesome folks at Social Blade. What I liked about the question was that it was so vague. It made a horrid question for Facebook, because it made such an awesome question to answer in blog form.

Full credit for the inspiration of this post goes to Erin of Social Blade though.

So let’s dive into this question first by asking the questions that it ignores. Most importantly is what part of Social Networking are we talking about? Social Networking is a pretty massive thing. It’s like saying that computers are evil. Sure there is a ton of evil connected to computers, but there is a ton of good too. There are tons of elements within social networking that I feel should never be paid for, but there are other services within that that should totally be paid for. It’s all a question of what you consider to be part of social networking.

The Sites Themselves
So sites like Twitter, Facebook, MySpace, Digg, Mixx, Reddit, etc should never be paid for. If they can’t figure out how to make a profit from the tons of eyeballs they need to just shut their proverbial doors. They can charge for advertising of all different types. They can charge for not showing any ads, they can charge for features on a profile that do not directly affect the voting algorithm, they can charge for access to some of the analytics (if they are careful), they can charge for access to their API, sites like Twitter and Facebook can charge for extra features on business related pages, they can charge for conferences, they can charge for merch, and I could go on forever. The truth is that there are endless ways they can make money without charging for the basic services. For the most part they need to stay free or their integrity will be questioned.

API run services
I have always thought that websites should be charged for access to another websites API. Then services that run off of the API can be more dependable as well as more powerful. This would also make it more understandable for the API dependent services to charge their users. If an API does something that saves me some time and makes my business more efficient, I have zero problem with some $5 a month charge. $5 a month times a few thousand users adds up pretty fast. Make that a few million users and that service can make insane amounts of money.

Pro Run Social Media Accounts
As a person who gets paid to run some of the social networking accounts of my clients, I must insist that I get paid for the work I do. Would I pay for someone to run my accounts? At this point I think it might make people question my integrity. However, if you had an a-list band, ran a shoe store, had a HVAC company, or had a major motion picture opening soon, you would be stupid to not hire someone to handle that for you. You have more important things to do. Plus, someone like me will be able to do it better than you since you have so little experience in this. Since I sit around all day and do nothing but this, I am going to be able to do it better and more efficiently. Most of us can cut meat up, but hire a butcher and they will show you how a pro does it.

In closing
So there are elements of social networking that you should NEVER pay for, but there are things you SHOULD pay for as well. You have to use a little common sense to pick which is which. If you have questions, ask an expert. That is what they are there for. No, really… ASK ME!

10. You can chop vegetables for salsa like Stephen Cobert

9. You can be one of the cool kids like Robert Scoble (click here for photo)

8. You finally have a computer to sync up with your iPhone, which is good because Apple software is buggy as hell on a PC and a full Mac costs a ton.

7. It will make AT&T feel loved…for a little while longer

6. You can be one of the ten billion bloggers to write a serious review of the iPad this week.

5. It looks purdy.

4. Wait…I had to have a reason? Steve Jobs said to buy one. Are you saying we don’t have to listen to everything Steve Jobs says to do?

3. Your frail sensitive arms just can’t handle the 2.25 pounds of the standard netbook.

2. You don’t need Flash. Because everyone is going to move over to HTML5 instantly now. Steve Jobs said so.

1. The fact that it doesn’t close like a netbook is fine. Apple is know for their amazing scratch resistant products.

Yesterday I wrote a review of the movie District 9 that has offended a few people. Seems the movie has some really important message about apartheid. I had no clue. My review still stands though. The movie was a total bummer and I don’t like getting hammered over the head with heavy drama when I am expecting to be entertained. The thing you must now think about is why did most viewers of the movie not have a clue that it was going to be a pseudo-documentary about something as heavy as apartheid? I am pretty damn sure that most had no clue going into it or even after the movie was played. This means that the movie was more of a failure than I originally thought. If they had a message they thought was so important why didn’t they make the message more clear? Why? because they knew that the movie would have not been seen by even a tenth of the amount of people. Maybe their own greed got in the way of this message that was so important?

I mention this to make one point clear to you bands. if you have a message, make that message clear. Don’t be a wuss and hide it like the people behind this movie did. Especially if it is such an important message. Say it loud and say it proud!

Now let me make this clear, I in no way mean to belittle the importance of apartheid. I do however mean to belittle the extremely massive ego’s of people that get on their high horse and look down on me because I didn’t get some really vague message buried under a movie that didn’t offer what the previews suggested it would. I listened to more podcasts than I can count that talked about the movie and not one mentioned apartheid. I watched every promo I could find on the movie and never once saw a mention of apartheid. I heard interviews with Peter Jackson and he never mentioned apartheid. Not one movie poster says anything about apartheid. Like 99% of the people that went this weekend, if I would have known it was going to be SECRETLY about apartheid I would have stayed home. Not because I don’t care about apartheid, but because I don’t need to be beat over the head with the message that it is bad. I already know it is bad.

Rage Against The Machine talked all the time about how their songs had some big heavy message. You want to know why? Because they knew that no one would have a clue otherwise. It is not my fault that the creators of this movie let their greed get the best of them. it is not my fault that they let the message get so buried that the great majority have no clue that it is secretly about apartheid. Of course maybe I am wrong since that has happened more times than I care to count as well. So I am making a poll. Please send this message to as many people as possible. I want to know how many people had a clue that this movie had something to do with apartheid. If nothing else we can do what the movie makers obviously failed to do. Get their message out. It is an important message after all…which would explain why it was such a bummer of a movie.

Now I also hated the recent reboot of Battlestar Galactica for the same reasons, so I am sure there will be many who rave about how great District 9 is. It was original I will give it that. I have heard that the biggest complaint about Transformer 2 is that there are too many jokes and it is too lighthearted. So just like those reviews makes me want to go see Transformer 2, this review will probably make some excited about what to me was a complete downer. For those people I give the following positive tidbits on District 9. The previews do nothing to prepare you. Hell, there are many scenes in the trailer below that are not even in the movie! The movie is done like a documentary. Imagine the BBC doing a documentary on a million aliens being evicted from a slum in Johannesburg and you get the basic idea. It is very well done and Peter Jackson has proved that he still has a few more tricks up his sleeve. It is a very unique and original way to approach scifi. The bug like aliens are very well done and you do forget at times that it is CGI. They do have a robot of sorts that is obviously strongly influenced by the first Transformers movie. The storyline is a story about the underdog fighting the powerful. There are great underlining messages about racism that are done well. I just think the whole thing is depressing and doesn’t offer any escape from the depressing world we currently live in already.

So I wouldn’t say this movie is total garbage. It just all depends on what you are looking for when you go to the movies. If you are the type that want something that is full of really heavy drama and leaves you feeling like you need to watch classic Tex Avery cartoons for a few hours to avoid slighting your wrists, this is your movie! I highly recommend watching it on the big screen. If you are looking for a fun escape of pure fun, a few laughs, and a lighthearted story, stay at home and watch your Firefly, Star Wars, Hellboy, and Eureka DVDs instead. Hell, even the show Heroes. is a better escape but I could list scifi entertainment I prefer for hours and hours. This just wasn’t my thing. If it is your kind of scifi, can we create a new term to separate the two approaches? I could have done without Peter Jackson hitting me over the head with an over sized hammer for two hours. Can you drama queens start using Syfi instead?

Top Ten Reasons why Digg both sucks and blows!

10. Digg fanboys are so stupid that if you want any chance to get through to them you have to use some lame top ten list. A real article is too much for them to handle!

9. Kevin Rose has zero integrity. There are many successful people that still get respect. Why? Because they don’t go from the totally cool down to earth “Dark Tipper” to total arrogant douchbag. It’s when one let’s said success go to their head that people get pissy. It’s when they try to coast on a little bit of luck and treat their users like crap that people start to drink the Hatorade.

8. Speaking of which…The site seems to work very hard at catering to the juvenile crowd instead of the information addict.

7. The features they do come out with are either well after the competition or are more like flashy toys than something that helps the serious information addict.

6. The ads on Digg are getting about as “low rent” as it gets. It makes the site look like a phishing site.

5. Digg Townhall is full of more rhetoric and double speak than the RNC and DNC combined!

4. Getting any answers out of Digg for anything is like pulling teeth. Try asking a Mixx staff person and the answer will be faster and more informative.

3. Taking forever to do any development on the site

2. Putting sites on the Auto-Bury but still not admitting it exists

1. Banning people for using the official API

Yes, I know that Digg is the most popular social news site. However, some of us remember search engines like WebCrawler, infoseek, and Lycos. The first may be king for awhile, but in longtail that is time it is almost never for long. Especially when the current king acts like a a drunken frat boy instead of a serious businessman or journalist. Even if Kevin Rose pulls his head out of his ass and starts taking this seriously, there are some very serious reasons for the hate. So stop saying that it is only because of the success. Nothing could be further from the truth!