PRESS AGENTS: Top ten ways to make me not care

Press Agents
So I have been doing independent (meaning I loose money doing this) for a couple decades now. I have read so many press releases that I have become beyond jaded about them. There are key words and phrases I look for to dismiss the artist. Seriously I do. So here are the top ten things a press agent can use to get me to NOT care about the artist they are pushing. Another great list made by someone else can be found HERE.
1. Some version of the artist being the next big thing
When I hear a band is “burning up the charts”, I assume it is some lame pop artist that sucks.
2. They will kick your ass and rip your face off!
Phrases like this are used for artists that are brutal for the sake of being brutal, but can’t play worth shit. This means that the craft of writing a solid song was forgotten before the first note was recorded. I like it heavy, but where’s the song?
3. The band “leaks” a single on their MySpace
Ok, if it comes from an official source it is not a leak you moron
4. Not making it clear what style of music they play
Yeah, I know it’s cool to say you hate categories, but if you can’t at least nail it down to hard rock, metal, punk, pop, or polka, I will assume the band plays polka and not care. Get to the point. People have short attention spans. This includes my readers and myself. And most importantly, don’t hide the info. Make it big, bold, and loud! As if the band was proud of what they do.
This includes (but is not limited to) the band being cute and witty about MySpace categories. Many times I can’t find any info on what the band plays, so I open up the MySpace page. Then I see the band listing themselves as Christian Rap to be cute and witty. So I dismiss them because I don’t cover Christian Rap. Many times they are not that style, but I don’t have the extra five to ten minutes to listen to their music to find out if I should even care. Once you convince me to care I will listen. First you have to convince me I should care though. I don’t care about Christian Rap, so if I see that I won’t investigate a second further to find out you were just joking.
5. Sending the press release as a doc, pdf, jpg, or gif file
You are adding extra steps to my busy schedule. So you are starting things off by being a pain in the ass. Why would you want to start off our relationship with me hating you? Yes I despise html emails, but they are the industry standard. So I am forced to forgive that. So send it as an HTML email or if you don’t know how to do that without sending it as an extra file, just send it as plain text.
6. Putting stuff not for public in the middle of the press release
Ok, I honestly do not read every word of every press release. I just don’t have time. So I glance over things, copy, and paste. So if you do not place that info after the standard three pound signs you are risking people posting the direct download to the cd you are trying to increase sales of.
7. Tracking URLs in your HTML email
Ok, this is one of the reasons I despise HTML emails. Any internet security expert will tell you to watch out for questionable links. Everyone is encouraged to “view status bar” and mouse over links before clicking on them to make sure it is the link it claims to be. Then you press agents go and give us some super long tracking url with a domain none of our readers have heard of. This makes them question the integrity of our site. It makes them feel unsafe. So stop with the tracking urls. If the website address is www.website.com then it should say www.website.com when I mouse over the link. Otherwise people don’t think we are a safe site. I know your reasons for doing this questionable behavior, but please understand my reasons for asking you to stop.
8. Where are the current press shots?
Now a few of you labels have great press areas where I can grab one in seconds. Others always include some massively large image in the actual email (which is perfect). Others have your Facebook page updated with good sized press shots. One of you (yes just one that I know of) is now anal about keeping their website updated. THIS COMPLAINT IS NOT FOR ANY OF YOU! I love you people! It doesn’t matter that every single one of you has a different method of getting me the current photo. I can remember that no problem. The ones that make me spend hours trying to find a current press shot really piss me off though. There is nothing like taking 45 minutes to post something that should have taken 10 minutes just because you didn’t give me a current photo! Many times I just pass on the press release because trying to find a press shot pissed me off so much.
9. Headlines
Why does a press release have 4 headlines? Stick to one. What is most important? What is the newest info? What is the most newsworthy? Also, don’t make it a book. It’s a headline. The shorter the better. It doesn’t have to contain everything. Lastly, try to put the band’s name at the beginning of the headline. It helps readers browse over for the bands they care about the most.
10. Hidden links
Ok, fine. Use your stupid HTML email. It makes my head explode, but I will suck it up if you would do me one favor. Whenever possible, display the url. Don’t say, “Go HERE for more info” and have the word HERE link to their website. Display the url so I can just copy all the text and paste it in. Otherwise I have to view your email in text form, copy it all, paste it into notepad, clean up your html mail abortion, and then paste it into my system so my readers don’t have unclickable words of CLICK HERE.
Now I know what some of you are thinking. “What are you, some copy and paste blogger or a real journalist?” Well, pasting your press releases is not why I got into this. Pasting your press releases has never been why I do this at all. It gives me zero pleasure and gets in the way of why I do this in the first place. I have wrote less than 20 reviews all year last year. I would have loved to do more but I was wasting all my time fighting to post your lame ass press releases! I would love to stop posting press releases, but many of you depend on me replying with “Info posted at ___” to know if I am interested in that release.
So please help me get back to actual creating, writing, and doing real journalism by keeping the ten items above in mind. I can’t be the only one bothered by these things. Thanks.
Another great list made by someone else can be found HERE.