Tech consultant for Olympia, Lacey, And Tumwater

Don’t Be Too Pushy With Your Promotion

Bands

When doing promotion some band’s can get very pushy. It’s to the point where it hurts them more than helps them. Take a look at the social profiles of some unsigned bands. It will be “Check out our MySpace at _____” Followed by “Check out our MySpace at _______”, etc. After they do that 5 or 6 times they give up because they are not getting anything out of it. Well DUH! You keep sending out the same message. So no one is paying attention!

Try being more strategic about it. Try posting a link to a download a day for a week. Get people in the habit of going to your website once a day. Also, don’t make the mistake of saying it’s a download when it’s just a stream on MySpace. People hate that. They expected to be able to download it and if they can only listen to it at home in front of their computer you will only piss them off and they might not come back.

You don’t have to release a song every day. What about having a friend record one of your concerts. Then post a song a day from that show. What about just news? You can announce that you have new merch, new graphics done, a new band member, describe a new song you finished writing that day at practice, etc. Just make sure and not be too pushy with one message. People will get bored and start to ignore you. The less strategic you are the less impact your messages will have. If you wonder why people are ignoring you, this could be why.

Think of it as a show. What would happen if you played the same song over and over again at every show. Please get pretty bored with that one song. They want to hear an entire set. Same thing goes for your online profile. Give them a show!  There are two bands that do an amazing job at this. One is a band called Mongrel. Adam is a social media master. He is constantly giving fans and friends new information on the band and almost never posts the same thing twice.  Go to http://www.myspace.com/mongrel to check them out.

The other band that really does this well is the band Pure Hatred. No they are not some racist band. But they are far from being “Politically correct” either. In fact one of the ways they engage their fans is to post truly tasteless (but really funny) jokes on their social networking pages. Actually this is one specific band member, but it works to promote the band because people keep watching his profile to find out what the next joke is. Then when he needs to push his band people are actually paying attention. Keep them entertained and they will keep watching. Go to http://www.purehatred.com/about.htm to find out more about Pure Hatred.

Top Ten Things Squarespace.com Really Needs

Squarespace

Let me be clear about this. I post this top ten list because I believe in the service and want it to improve.  Think of this as my Christmas Wish list more than anything. It is NOT meant to bash the company in any way! I subscribe to the biggest package they offer because their product solves some very important issues for me that no one else does. But despite the really great things they offer that keep me as a customer, there are a few things they need to do to keep their site growing beyond geeks like me that are willing to beat the living hell out of their CMS to make it work. Right now if you use Squarespace get your gloves on, because you will have to box with your website for awhile. These are the reasons why.

To check out Squarespace go to http://www.squarespace.com/ They are a great company. This is just my Christmas wish list. Santa? I don’t want coal again this year…please?

1. Phone Support
This is so damn important I cannot make a big enough deal about this. Charge a customer $50 for a month of phone support, but at least give the option!

2. Everything on the front page
So if you have several sections of the site, but want all those sections to have their new content featured on the front of the site you have two really lame options. One is to post it by hand as a blog. That’s right, you have to make a post to let people know you have a post within the same site. The other option is their “change tracker” that only give people an ugly plus sign next to each article instead of some cool thumbnail. Of course you could always just let one section be the front and let all of your other content be buried. So I guess there are 3 really lame options. They need an option to have the front page just flow with everything except forums.

3. Polls
They have all kinds of great features you can add with a simple click. Why not polls? It is a glaring hole in their arsenal of click to add features.

4. Modern forums
They have forums, but they will remind everyone of the early 90′s guestbooks. This is a hot new service and their forums look like something from two decades ago.

5. Rate This Post
Just like polls, I know this puts more pressure on the database, but this is the world we live in and they need to provide an option to allow readers to rate the article.

6. Android App
They have a really great iPhone app, but nothing for Android. With Android being the fastest growing smart phone operating system this is a major over sight. Are they iPhone fanboys who can’t see that their precious phone is not as hot as it once was? Have both guys. Don’t let your fanboy passion get in the way of business. You need to have both.

7. Email
How can they host a website but not host the email accounts connected to that website? Everyone from Go Daddy to Media Temple offer this. Out of all of the missing items this one confuses me the most.

8. Live Chat
Ok, I mean this in two ways. One, there should be a live chat room I can jump into for support. It would also be nice if one could have that as one of the website services we could add for our readers. I love my readers and I would love to chat with them when they are online at the same time I am. Mostly it would just be nice to enter into a chat with a tech support person. It would avoid a ton of the back and forth confusion I end up in with them through the nightmarish “support Ticket” system.

9. Instant Sponsor Button
Now they have a way to add a Squarespace button to your site, but they offer no reason why I would want to do that. What about some sort of affiliate program guys? Why not offer me “X” amount off my bill for each customer I bring you? This could save your higher traffic customers some money as well as quickly expand your business.

10. Less condescending attitude
Seriously. There have been many times when I tried to get the people to help me with something and got a “RTFM” attitude back. I have several times sent the url of the page I had a question about and had them send me back the same URL as the answer to my question. Pretty much saying, “What are you stupid that you can’t see the obvious answer here?” They have an amazing product so far, but the support is the worst of any service I have ever used.

Again, I love the product and this is not meant to bash Squarespace. This is more like a customer begging for a few improvements. As a customer I feel like they are the Squarespace gods on high looking down on us lowly customers. It shouldn’t be that way. As a customer I should feel a little bit better communication with them as a company. I feel like unless you are Leo Laporte there is no way to get an audience with them for anything. This attitude will destroy their company if they don’t take care of it soon. Programmers and developers should not be who gives support. I think this may be the problem. Programmers and developers do not speak human. They speak programmer. Can I get a human please?

Top Ten Most Over Used Words

1. Officially
People say some pretty stupid shit, but I just start twitching when I hear people say shit like “That is officially bullshit!” Really, where does one get the proper certification for such a thing? If there is no official certification then please shut your pie hole! There is nothing official about your opinion on anything.

2. FAIL
I know this one has been mentioned in other top ten style rants here, but it is officially retarded. I got the certification yesterday in the mail from a notary public in Bogota, Texas. Do people who say this realize that they fail in the English language every time they say this? Morons. Didn’t shortening things to sound cool go out of style about ten years ago? I think it did. Get with the times loser.

3. Literally
No dumb ass, you mean figuratively. Please look it up before you convince anyone else how often you sniff paint fumes as a past time.

4. Totally
That cup is totally half full!  Yes, I have heard people use this word when talking about a percentage. I blame inbreeding…and the show Glee, but isn’t that pretty much the same thing?

5. Brah
Ok, correct me if I am wrong but this is pronounced the same as a woman’s undergarment right? Ok, sure I have been known to hold a few boobies in my life, but if that makes you confuse me with a woman’s over the shoulder boulder holder I think I may need to punch you.

6. (I Know) Huh?
I have no problem with the “I know” part, but why the hell do you people add the huh and the question mark? It’s as if you are asking if the person agrees with you. Which is really retarded since this is always said as a replacement for “I totally agree!”  If the person says “Stupid people should be knocked upside the head for saying stupid shit.” and you reply with “I know huh?” you sound like a complete moron. Why are you asking the person who said something if they agree with what they just said and you are just agreeing with? The reason is simple. You must have been dropped on your head repeatedly when you were a baby. You should kill yourself. (feel free to say “I know huh?”)

7. Hero
Sorry to burst your bubble but an athlete is NOT a hero. A musician is NOT a hero. Unless Slash is rushing into a burning building to save children from certain death he is nothing more than an extremely talented guitarist and song writer. Legend sure. Idol ok. Rock god totally. Hero? Hell no!

8. Boo
No, not as in the exclamation used during the end of October. That is the proper use of the word and I have no problem at all with it. What I am talking about is when you call a girlfriend, boyfriend, or even celebrity your “boo”. You sound like an idiot.

9. Baby Daddy
This one pisses me off more than “boo” because instead of saying boyfriend brainless bimbos will call the guy their “baby daddy”. What about “My child’s father” instead? Or do you like it when people question your intelligence? Saying these things also let’s guys know you might be stupid enough to use and throw away like the bimbo you probably are.  Have some respect for yourself and stop talking like a moron!

10. Extreme
Everything is extreme. I’ve seen people try and sell poetry readings as extreme! Even Sunday school is now “to the extreme!” How about this. If it is not as far from average as you can get it is not extreme. When you use extreme to hype up something that is just a few steps from average you sound as retarded as a local news reporter calling Korn a Death Metal band.

When A Sittin Chaiir has a Facebook account

Socia lMedia

So awhile back (I think a year or two) a couple people started up Twitter accounts for their pets. The accounts got very popular because it was an original idea and the people behind them had a good amount of imagination. The accounts were entertaining to watch. They provided good content. Then a million other people without that level of imagination tried to do the same thing. So we ended up with a flood of Twitter accounts done in tribute of some damn cat. Now I love animals. I have a cat who many people that don’t even live with me refer to as “Daddy’s Spoiled Rotten”. But there is no way I would start up a Twitter or Facebook account under her name. Why? Because I just don’t think I could come up with enough good content to make it worthwhile. This whole “Pets with social media accounts” thing has really gotten out of control.

Now we see everything with social media accounts. I have seen people with Twitter accounts for everything from their bathroom scale to their refrigerator. It’s down right retarded. So now of course we must have a parody. A good friend now has launched a Facebook account for a chair. Yes, it’s another stupid Facebook game and everyone knows how much I hate those, but this has something different to it. This one seems to mock the trend of things other than humans with social media accounts. So although I will not play the game, I do find it entertaining that it exists. So no I will not join, but I will write this entire blog post to help promote it. The question is, will people get that they are being mocked for giving the tree outside in their yard a MySpace account?

My question is, where did this friend of mine learn how to spell the words Sitting and Chair? Either way, go HERE to join up and follow the “Sittin Chaiir”.

And for my regular readers, yes this is one of the very rare occasions where I am posting about the activity of one specific friend. So yes person behind the chair account, this is about you.

Top Three Tech Terms The Music Industry Gets Wrong

BadMusic

So I have to confess something. I worked on this post for months. In fact most of the posts I put on this site are things that I have been working on for months. That is why I find it so frustrating when someone gets offended because they think the post is something that they JUST posted to Facebook or Twitter.  However you can also think of it this way. What was getting under my skin several months ago is still current. It is still being done!  That just proves how out of control the problem I am talking about is. So this was originally supposed to be a “Top Ten List” because people eat that stuff up. Everyone loves top ten lists. So I tried as hard as I could to come up with ten. I just couldn’t. Shocking as it seems there is only three basic terms the music industry (or at least my contacts) get wrong on a regular basis. The problem is that they get them wrong so often and so badly that it seems that there are hundreds of things they are embarrassing themselves with.   Now keep in mind that these are not all the things they mess up on when technology is concerned. This is only the terms they use incorrectly.

1. Viral
What is the root word here people? It comes from the word virus. Way too often a press agent will send out a press release of the band’s “viral video”. Meaning that any video online used to market the band is viral. WRONG! The video might “Go Viral”, but you can’t announce that right out the gate. That’s like having a Mission Accomplished banner behind a president years before anything was accomplished. When it spreads like a virus and has had millions of views, then it has “gone viral”. You look like some old grandpa that doesn’t get the inner webs when you say other wise.

2. Download/Stream
If the band has a new song up on MySpace it is not “up for download”. Instead say “Streaming now for free at their MySpace!” A download means the fans can end up with an MP3 they can play when offline. Try not to confuse the two so often. It makes you sound like an idiot.

3. Leaked
As in “The Fartknockers just leaked their latest single. If it comes from an official source it is not a leak. The label cannot leak something. Someone at the label can leak it without permission, but those people get fired don’t they?

I Wish I Could Block You People By Keyword!

Facebook

You Are Not A Video Jockey!
Don’t you wish there was a way to just block all those posts where people think they are some sort of Video YouTube DJ? Do these people think everyone is just sitting around waiting for them to post music links? You do not work for a video channel, you are not that important, so just stop it! I understand if the music video is somehow news worthy. If it is a brand new video and you are a press agent trying to get the word out cool. I even understand the people that post some rare video most have probably never seen or didn’t know about. Of course there is no problem with posting video footage of the concert you went to just last night. I understand that. What I am talking about is the people that flood Facebook with non-stop YouTube music videos. If 99% of your posts like that do not have any comments there might be a reason. No one cares. If Facebook had a way to somehow block by subject that would be great. Then I could block my friends with delusions of grandeur that think they are some video jockey without blocking them from the conversation and networking that I follow them for in the first place.

It’s Not Just About YouTube!
Now keep in mind I am not just talking about the music videos. What about the endless sports posts where someone posts crap like “Wow that was a great touch down” assuming that all their Facebook friends from around the world are watching the same game and have a clue what the hell they are talking about. Same thing goes for the ones that react to some lame reality show they are watching. Of course the worst ones could not be blocked since they give no reference as to what the hell they are watching. I mean what keywords do they watch for if all the twit says is something like “Oh I hate her, they should kick her off the show.” Not everyone is watching the same thing, so make sure and give us a clue as to what the hell you are talking about. Then when Facebook does offer us a chance to block by subject or keyword we can block the posts we don’t care about but still keep in touch.

I Even Want You To Be Able To Block Me!
The truth is that everyone is annoying at some point. I know that many of my real world friends get annoyed when I post music industry stuff. There is no way I can stop doing that entirely. So it would be great if the people that follow me and hate that crap could block that but not block everything I post. I know the automated answer is always “Well block them if you don’t like what they post.” Ok moron, try to pay attention. I do like SOME of what they post and that is why I follow them. However, everyone is annoying at some point. This includes myself. So I think blocking posts by keyword or subject would help my feed as well as the feed or the people that follow me. I am talking about wanting people to automatically block the posts I make so that only the parts of me you care about show. Blocking by keyword would make our friends and family much less likely to drive us to drink. In this stressful holiday season we have enough reasons to drink. So get on it Facebook!

My Top Ten Favorite Android Apps

Android Apps

I am noticing that people are picking up Droid phones like crazy recently. Maybe it is because of the holidays or maybe it is because of Droid users like me that can’t stop praising the phones. I am pretty sure that many will get Droid phones for Christmas as well. Either way I am getting lots of questions about what the best apps are to download for the regular user. I really don’t care about the ultra-tech users. They have proven to me time and time again that they don’t have a clue what the average user wants or needs. When I was telling them that people wanted bigger phones, all they could say was that bigger phones would be like carrying around a brick. Brick this, brick that, but how do we watch all this great media that is getting shoved in our faces? Well, notice how much bigger screens have got over the past couple of years? Now there is already talk about devices that are somewhere between a phone and a “pad” type device. Meaning a phone with a screen twice the size of a Droid 2 or your standard iPhone device! So ignore the stuck up technorati. They don’t know their head from their ass and are nothing more than a useless echo chamber most of the time. This top ten list is for the everyday mobile phone user. If this helps you please send it to a friend. I have no ads and my only payment is watching my stats go up if you people like what I write.

10. Twitter Official App
This app would rate way higher if they got rid of the location crap. Or at least made it less annoying for those that don’t want that feature.

9. TasKiller
It’s a red icon. I tried the Green icon version once before and it just didn’t work very well. This red guy however works great. I read somewhere that the green one is called “Advanced Task Killer” and this one is called “TasKiller”. I hope that helps you find the right one.

8. Last.fm
I know that Pandora is more popular in the United States. Maybe it’s better, maybe not, but Last.fm works for me and I love it. So I never gave Pandora a chance to be honest. If you are a fan of music, no matter the style, you must try one of these services. Unlike traditional radio type services it learns. The more you play with it, the better it gets at guessing what you like. Even someone as picky about music as I am finds it great. This thing can even tell the difference between true thrash and modern thrash (which is just death metal with slower riffs). I don’t know of even too many Thrash fans that can tell the difference anymore, but this thing can!

7. Angry Birds
Some may find it shocking that this one is so low on my top ten list, but honestly I think it is a bit over hyped. It’s fun, but after a few fun levels it turns into something for hardcore gamers only. Some levels take me days to get past and that is just plain boring watching the same screen over and over again.

6. Facebook Official App
It is a little buggy at times and will only let you go back so far, but other than that I have had no problems.

5. AK Notepad
Just like with the windows desktop verion of Notepad, what I like about this is that it has pretty much zero features. It’s just a place to spew notes. It works so well I am using it to write an entire book. It’s a fiction novel. I write it when I’m on the toilet. Seriously.

4. Softick Freecell
Just a stupid card game, but I like it. There are some annoying ones I tried before I found this one so be careful.

3. Paper Toss
Just like with Angry Birds this is a stupid game that takes no thought. Great mindless fun.

2. iMobsters
I know what you are thinking. “I thought Mark hated games like this?” Wong. I love games like this. I just didn’t want it on my Facebook. That along with Zynga (the company behind the most popular Facebook based social games) being caught in so many scams makes me stay clear of anything they touch. Now the iMobsters app for Android has had many problems. For months after it was released you couldn’t even get past the log in screen to register or play at all. Then Android users got the snot beat out of them because of buggy behavior and slower response times compared to iPhone users. All these problems seem to be fixed now though and the game is fun. If you have tried the game before on Android and got pissed off and removed it, give it another try.

1. The Official Google Reader App
I have tried them all. Even the much praised “News Rob” version and they all failed miserably in my opinion. Then came the official Google Reader app and all was right with the world. This is now my favorite app of all time. It is the most intuitive app I have seen so far. There was no learning curve at all. I knew how to use it without reading any directions or fighting through any frustrations. I just knew how to operate it right from the second it was installed. It’s just that damn good.

Top Ten Things I want For Christmas

Christmas Immortal

So my wife has given me a few hints that I need to update my Christmas wish list. So here it is people. This is the top ten items I want to feature, but if you want to see my full on Amazon wish list just go HERE. If you want to see my Think Geek Wish list just go HERE. Or you can just grab something from this top ten list. Check with my wife Sherri if you want to make sure no one else has purchased something from this list.

For those that are brave enough to go off the list, here is the top ten list of things to avoid. 1. Anything with Will Ferrel, Tom Hanks, or any “rap” guy trying to act. 2. Anything connected to a reality show of any kind. 3. Zombies are for mainstream twits 4. I own a Droid 2 NOT an iPhone 5. My shirt size is 4X. 3X if I have to, but anything smaller exposes things no one wants to see. 6. My personal tastes and RMM do not always match. I prefer classic rock (think more KZOK and less KGRG if you are local) and traditional Metal. Modern Metal both sucks and blows. 7. I get more music than I have time to listen to, so if it is a new release I probably have already been sent it. 8. Ask Sherri before you buy a DVD. Sherri knows all, sees all. 9. I’m not cool or “hip” so don’t get me anything cool or “hip”. I hate cool people. They suck. 10.  No milk products and nothing spicy hot. It will make me sick. Seriously.

And now for the list…

1. Browncoats Redemption DVD

2. Record Company Directory 2010 Edition

3. Sandisk 8GB CF memory card (MUST BE 60MB/s)

4. Bazinga shirt XXXXL

5. Night Vision Still Camera (for the club El Corazone because it is darker than a broom closet)

6. Helmet Cam (in case I get hit by another car I will have video proof!)

7. Bike Computer ($12)

8. Bike rear light ($8)

9. Canon G12 Camera

10. Philips Norelco 7310XL Men’s Shaving System

I Avoided Spam By Following This One Weird Old Rule

gypsy

We have all heard about that line “If it’s too good to be true it probably is.” I am amazed that despite how many people have heard about this saying, spam still stays alive. Not just the kind of spam that ends up filling our inbox, but also ads that just seem a little shady. The reason these kinds of ads don’t die is that they work. Who is stupid enough to keep this kind of bad marketing alive?

If you are one of the people that need Viagra, get it from your local pharmacy. Otherwise you don’t know what is in it. Pretty much every time there is a shady reason why their Viagra is cheaper. Either they are trying to get your info to sell it, selling you a “watered down” version of the drug, or selling you something harmful that looks like Viagra. It’s dangerous and you people need to stop it. You are helping keep that horrid industry alive. Just talk to your doctor and get it from your pharmacy.

The thing you all have to keep in mind is that these people don’t need that much response to make a profit and keep their evil business alive. If they send out a million emails and get one response it is a good day for those bad guys. Yes, the ones that buy ad space on our favorite websites have to have a better response, but they are obviously getting it if I keep seeing these kinds of ads. Stop falling for these ads people! If it seems too good to be true it is. Don’t even click on the ad. You are helping the bad guys.

So the ads I hint at above are interesting. To be honest it is very smart marketing. It tells the person that this is going to be simple. People are lazy and they love easy. But you have to ask yourself, if it is just one simple thing how come we are not hearing it elsewhere? Even if you are one of those extremely paranoid people that thinks your doctor is in on some wild conspiracy, this one simple thing would have been heard from elsewhere. Since the ad claims that it is an old rule. They tell you it is old information. So how about I bust this site by telling you one simple rule I know instead? Proper diet and exercise. Not some fad diet, but eating right. Eating as healthy as you can, staying away from HFCS, sugar, fatty foods, and fake sugars. If you keep it to 2,000 calories and exercise two hours a day you will loose weight. The truth is never easy. I know this but yet I’m still fat. Yet I don’t fall for ads like this because they seem shady to me.

If you think it might be shady just assume it is. Almost every time you will be right. So please everyone please remember this one simple weird old rule. If it seems to good to be true, it probably is. You are more safe to assume it is. Stop spam by being smarter!

How anti-rock sermons made me lose my religion

FSM

Many of you know that I am a passionate member of The Church Of The Flying Spaghetti Monster. To be specific I am what is called a “Spagnostic“. Meaning that I align myself with The Church Of The Flying Spaghetti Monster, because I am agnostic. If that confuses you please buy The Gospel Of The Flying Spaghetti Monster and you will understand. What many of you might not know is that I used to be a hardcore bible thumper. I used to go to church several times a week, every week, all year round. So what made me lose my religion? There were many things, but I think what started putting out the fire was anti-rock sermons that my parents made me go to.

How did anti-rock sermons make me lose my religion? Well they planted a seed in my head. You have to understand that when I was a Christian I was very passionate about it. I would take every opportunity I could to drill a million questions at the pastors. I would more often than not corner them into the standard cop out line. “You just have to have faith.” Which after awhile started to mean to me that the person was just to lazy to find the answer or they were afraid of what they would find if they did look a little deeper.

Of course this was started by anti-rock preachers who would slam rock and metal with very little research. They would talk about how the Metallica song “Master Of Puppets” was about how you should let Satan control you. The real message of the song is about the evils of drugs and how your life will no longer be your own if you take drugs. Drugs control you. Here Nancy Regan was spewing her “Just Say No” bullshit that made kids WANT to take drugs, but a band that was actually getting the message to kids was slammed? Ozzy had his song “Suicide Solution” that I was told was telling kids that suicide was cool. A tiny bit of research shows that the song is speaking out against the dangers of drinking alcohol. Solution has two meanings. It can also mean mixture or concoction. The message is that drinking is a mixture that leads to a slow suicide. It’s an anti-drinking song. Hell, if kids listened to their favorite rock and metal gods they would be pretty much puritanical! I once heard one preacher tell a crowd that Nikki Sixx got his name from the numbers 666. The truth is that he got the name from Jeff Nicholson of the Christian rock band Darrel Mansfield Band! It was Jeff’s stage name way before it was Frank’s stage name.

So were those preachers just lazy, stupid, or afraid to look any deeper out of fear of what they might find? How often are Christians afraid to look any deeper out of fear of what they might find? These preachers got me wondering what was under the surface and why so many Christians are afraid to look too deep. So I started doing so and that lead me to doubt my faith. Too often I got the cop out answer “You just got to have faith.” Those evil rock bands had a more positive and honest message than the preachers. So don’t tell the prophet Bobby Henderson, but Rock And Roll is my real religion. Just like when the late George Carlin prayed to Joe Pesci, I get the same results praying to the late Ronnie James Dio. Now RJD. That was one honest preacher with a great positive message for all.

(thanks to my good friend Sheila for pointing out a very embarrassing spelling error that has now been fixed)