Ok, so as a follow up to my “Top Ten Worst band names Ever!” post, here is my top 10 tips to a good band name. I figured it was only fair since there might be a few of you second guessing calling yourselves “I went To The Store To Buy A Grape For Lunch”. Please notice that I am calling these tips and not rules. Why? Because rules are made to be broken. Tips are something to consider. So sure there will be exceptions. I know there are great bands that defy these tips. That is why they are just tips. Not rules. For the most part however, they hold true and should be strongly considered.
1. Keep it short.
Although a one word band name will most likely end up with you in court with ten million other unimaginative losers who thought of the same band name, you don’t want anything too long. Two words is a little more safe, but three words is the limit! Anymore than three words and your band name is very likely a inside joke that will get old very fast and most won’t even get. This will cause most people to just dismiss your band before they even hear the first note. You say the band isn’t serious anyways? Most of the greatest bands around were started off as just something to pass the time. So make sure the band name isn’t something you will think of as a curse when things shockingly get serious.
2. Can You Chant It?
Try chanting the name Slayer. Pretty easy eh? Now try chanting any of the bands from my worst band names list. Sucks, don’t it? Even if you are playing to 100 friends at the local tavern, you will want a name that will remain fun to chant for years to come.
3. Is it taken already?
Check every source you can. Check Amazon to make sure there isn’t a cd from a band with that name. Then check Wikipedia. Then check MySpace music section. If you are a Metal band check Metal-Archives. They have a database of Metal bands that is so big it is ridiculous. Check Cd Baby too. Then check to see if you can get the dot com domain. If you can’t get the dot com website don’t bother. Once you check all of those, grab those spaces as soon as you can before someone else does!
4. What Does It Say About The Band?
I hate to reference Slayer so often, but what does that name say about the band? They are going to slay! You know right off the bat they they are not some wimpy acoustic folk band. There was a local band around the Seattle area in the 90’s called Forced Entry. What does that say about the band? What does Trans-Siberian Orchestra say about that band? With that you know it is going to be some epic music with some really well thought out arrangements. You know that there is going to be some really great orchestral instrumentation. Pick a name that sends the right message for the band.
5. Make sure it doesn’t sound like that other band
So if you have a band name that confuses people into thinking you are another band, you will get some pretty ticked off people showing up at your concerts. Imagine if a band was called something like “Epic Nirvana”? Or how about “Anthrax Exodus”? That last name might be good for a Thrash Metal tribute band, but otherwise it would suck the taint of a dead pigeon (if a pigeon has a taint)!
6. Don’t use any brand names
It might be funny to name yourselves “Microsoft Blue Screen” for awhile, but the joke will get old when the lawyers come knocking at your door.
7. Enough with the name dropping!
I have seen a trend where bands will use a famous actress or actor in their band name. Stop it! It makes it hard for your fans and friends to find you on the internet because all they will find is that actress. It also might land you in court. Plus, joke names get old really quick.
8. No swear words
Notice how many of these rules could be reduced down to a rule of “No joke names”? They get old real quick and create more problems than they are worth. You will have a hard time putting up flyers, coming up in search engines, getting on even the local band radio shows, or even sometimes getting shows.
9. Think about search engines
In this day and age you need to think about search engines. Do you have at least one word that will help your band own that “phrase” in search? I have to say that I thought the band name Arkaea was stupid at first. Then I started putting it into search engines to research for an interview with the band. They always came up first because it isn’t a real word. They made the word up so they wouldn’t have to compete with anyone in any way. Smart guys I have to say.
10. Can fans spell it?
Yes, I know I just gave the band Arkaea points for coming up with a name that gets great Google juice, but I have to look up Fear Factory every time to remember how to spell the damn thing! Your band won’t have that reference, so make sure people can spell it!
Now I know that if you try to think of a band name that fits all these tips you will drive yourself crazy. That’s ok. A little insanity has done Ozzy well, right? Seriously, if you have the imagination to write great songs this should not be a problem. I remember a few years ago people started complaining that all the good website domain names were taken. Since then my wife and myself have grabbed RockMyMonkey.com, HeavyAsHell.com, QueenOfCheese.com and many others. If you have the imagination it will happen. If you can’t pull off a good name, you don’t have what it takes to write great music anyways. This is the first test. Will you pass?
A band name is a tricky thing I know. First off you need something that hasn’t been taken yet. The best one word band names were taken a couple decades ago. Slayer, Bitch, Overkill, Motorhead, and many more. A band with imagination however can still come up with something cool. Look at Goatwhore! That has to be one of the best band names in history and they have only been around since 1997!
So what makes a great band name? Look for another top ten list coming very soon to this blog! Until then here are the Top Ten Worst Band Names EVER! In case you think I made any of these horrid names up, I have linked to the websites of each and every one of them. Enjoy?
1. Iwrestledabearonce
Ok, I have no issue with the gay connection. Rob Halford is gay and one of the coolest people I have ever had the pleasure to interview. But that is more like a sentence than a band name. Try and chant their name for a few seconds and then try and chant Slayer and see which one roles off the tongue better.
2. Scary Kids Scaring Kids
Why not just be Scary Kids? This name is just plain retarded. It shows zero imagination and that is something a band might need people to believe they actually have.
3. Horse the Band
Ok, so the band name Horse was already taken? Why not something like “Horse Rider” or Horse Trainer” or “Horse Lover”? Now that last one I might be able to believe.
4. I Set My Friends On Fire
Really? Now this could be used as a cd title and no one would have said anything. Sure it’s about as stupid as it gets but it sounds like a cd title. Not a band name.
5. Attack Attack!
Ok, so if a band name you want has already been taken, just repeat it until you can claim it as yours? If this band was talented at all they could have come up with a better name.
6. The Devil Wears Prada
Now I interviewed this band a few weeks ago and even they regret the name. While many may get the message of anti-materialism, most will just think they named themselves after a stupid chick flick.
7. The Number Twelve Looks Like You
I understand that this is a name taken from the title of an episode of the The Twilight Zone. But it is still lame as hell. This is another one that might pass off as a really weak cd title. As a band name it just smells like yesterdays diapers.
8. Circle Takes the Square
Seriously? They named themselves after a cliche from a game show my grandma used to watch? A band name should make a statement and this band obviously wants you to know they both suck and blow.
9. See You Next Tuesday
Yes I know that this is a reference to C U Next Tuesday. Which spells out the word you never call a female unless you really want to piss her off. Most of the bands on this list have a band name that would make a worthless cd title, this band name would have made a great cd title. It’s just a bad band name.
10. Starring Janet Leigh
Have we run out of ideas this bad? Really? Do I even have to say why this band name screams a lack of the same imagination that is required to make good music?
Is spam really a problem? In minutes I was able to get rid of about a hundred spam messages from my inbox this morning. The email set up I have doesn’t send things to a “spam box”, but it does mark the spam messages very clearly. I’m sure there is a way to do this, but honestly I have kind of got used to it all being in one place. This let’s me know if any legit messages are being marked as spam. I have had a few very important contacts marked as spam before. Because press agents send a ton of bulk messages, they get marked as spam often. So I have everything go into the main inbox and deal with it there. As I said, it takes me just minutes to go through and clean out the spam. It doesn’t bother me much at all.
Once I take a minute or two to clean out the spam messages, it takes me several hours to take care of the legit email. I think that it is that long daily trek through legit email that makes people hate email. Then they need a scape goat to blame and spam is one easy target. It’s junk mail and is unwanted, so it is easy to blame. But if people were being honest they would admit that spam is nothing in the grand scheme of things.
So what is the solution? Well Google Wave tried to solve this, but it was a total flop. People treated it as a social network, added everyone they are connected with through Twitter and Facebook, and then found it to be a productivity killer instead of a help. Now if I had the money to hire a programmer I could automate most of my email. Each press agent has their own strange little quirks. So the program would have to treat each contact differently. So if the inbox got a message from Dude@fakepressagent.com it would look for the text “FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE” and post everything from that to “###” on my website as news. But when hottie@notrealpressagent.net sent a message it would just have to post everything until “For more info”.
Of course there would have to be some major formatting to clean up everyone’s horrid html emails (I despise html email), but that would be in the backend. Then there would have to be a way for me to preview the news pages and reject or make live the posts before the public is able to see them, but I already have that. The problem is that I (along with 99.9% of the people out there) don’t have the resources to automate email in this way. So until then I think we should just say we hate email. Spam is not the issue. It’s the legit email that creates work and work sucks. Sorry Monty Python. I still love ya!
So I have tried all of these services. Granted, I have used Friend Feed and Ping way longer. I have been using those two for years. But this blog post is about why I will keep paying attention to them and ignore Google Buzz.
Strategy Fail
Now there has been tons of “buzz” about how Google Buzz has a horrid privacy issue because they expose a person’s email address. I don’t care who has my Gmail address. For years I have used it as a place to send email I don’t want to ever see. It is pretty much my spam catcher. So please send all spam to rockmymonkey@gmail.com. I can give you a 100% chance I will never even see it. I have two email addresses that I check almost daily. One is at RockMyMonkey.com and the other is at this site. Contact me there. My Gmail has been ignored for years. I never even look at it. So the privacy issue is not an issue. Since I never look at my gmail I don’t want any social network through that account. With Friend Feed I don’t have to worry about that at all. Friend Feed is like Google Buzz without the annoyance of being forced to have it connected to Gmail.
Plus, what if I am burnt out for the day and just want to zone out on Social networking? Sure Social networking is a business tool for someone like me, but it is also a place for pure brainless fun. I try to keep my social networking updates about 90% fun and 10% business. Otherwise my followers get annoyed and stop following me. So I do a lot of social networking after i am done “working” for the day. Sending links to sites like Giant Bat Farts is work, but not anything like email. I want to keep those things separate!
Now Ping.fm is great for sending one update to all my social networks from one place. For those that are getting confused, http://friendfeed.com/markcarras & Google Buzz is for catching all your updates in one place where as Ping is for sending all your updates from one place. I like it because I can do it from my phone as an SMS (text message) or through their website. I have heard that people use Friend Feed and are now using Google Buzz for the same thing, but I would find that annoying myself.
Now the biggest thing that will kill Google Reader though is that I couldn’t find a way to send my profile url out to people. With Friend Feed is painfully simple. http://friendfeed.com/markcarras is about as simple as it gets. Facebook is the same way. http://www.facebook.com/markcarras is pretty easy to send out to friends. What is the url to my Googel Buzz? Is it buzz.google.com/MarkCarras? I seriously doubt it. Is it Googlebuzz.com/MarkCarras? I don’t think so, but it should be. Did they even think to reserve that url? I don’t care because it is not the one they are using and I was not able to grab my “vanity url” for it. If I could I might care.
Now I love the Google Reader and I would rather have people connect with me through that. I would post a link, but I have no clue what that is either. Whatever it is, I am pretty sure it is one long annoying url. Either that or I have to expose my email address. Which of course with Gmail is not a security problem for me, but would be for most people. However, it is a problem for me. If I expose my Gmail address people will think that is my contact info. They try over and over again to contact me there. I don’t ever see it, so I don’t reply, so they think I am a jerk because I “ignored” them.
Google might be one of the most successful online companies around, but they have had more failures than successes. I predict that Google Buzz will be another one unless they make some major changes quick. And it better be more than just weak ass placating.
So it is time for the Shorty Awards again eh? They had to have them just a few weeks before I drop a bomb on the music industry March 1st. Right now I have absolutely nothing going on and have a bigger chance at winning something insulting.
After March I could win something really cool though. So I figure I might as well have fun with this. I doubt I will win anything. So instead I offer the top ten Shorty Awards I might have a chance at. Just for the sake of a good laugh. Enjoy and please help me win one of them.
So if you want to be a smart ass, feel free to nominate me for one of the following. I do have something I would like to win though if you take these kinds of things seriously. Not sure I take any awards seriously though. I’d rather make a joke out of it. How about you?
However, let me be clear that if you want to be nice you will give me a nomination for http://shortyawards.com/category/media I won’t mind. Can I beg for your nomination?
So the the Hollywood Foreign Press Association has announced nominations for the 2010 Golden Globe Awards. Who the hell is that and why should you care? Well that is the Golden Globes, so no reason to care at all as far as I am concerned.
Now I could go on and on about why I think award shows like this are about as useless, lame, and shallow as it gets, but I would rather have this one told by the people who follow me.
On Twitter Follow The Reaper was as eloquent as always…
Now why does this explain my own thoughts so well? It is the exact problem! Unless you have no life, you shouldn’t care what awards these bimbos and douchbags win. The speeches they give are so trite you would think they just wrote one speech half a century ago. It’s like a computer program just fills in the blanks like it was a damn Mad Libs game. I’d rather watch my cat take a crap too. Out of all the replies I got, this one wins my award!
Lisa Yury is always short and sweet. “They’re always giving awards to those who don’t even really deserve it. LaMe!” Now I don’t know who won the awards, but when I read about it Monday morning I am pretty sure I will sigh in disappointment more than I am shocked at true talent getting their just rewards.
Now I’ve known Bert Webb for a couple decades now and he has always been an over the top kind of guy. So I’m not shocked at all that he was the only one (at the time of this post) that gave me a full top ten.
1. Commercials are better than the show 2. The only thing that wins I have never seen 3. Lady Ga Ga scares me 4. Who is Bradley Cooper 5. Rich people kissing 6. I have never actually known anyone that wears Versace 7. Screw Ricky Gervaise 8. Coldplay 9.Twilight 10. Kanye West
I despise commercials, so it means something when I say I agree with number 1. The movies that truly push the envelope will never win awards, so #2 is correct as well. If you are not scared by Lady Ga Ga you have some serious issues. Me and Bert have serious issues and that bitch still scares us! Turns out Bradley Cooper was Will Tippin in the TV series Alias. I haven’t really cared since then though and to be honest he wasn’t why anyone watched that show either. Nice enough guy I’m sure, but i still don’t care. Number 5 is an interesting one. I will assume it is about those pure Hollywood kisses they do on award shows where no real contact is done but they pretend to almost kiss each cheek. Lamest Hollywood cliche ever! if you have ever done this please save the world and kill yourself now. Same thing goes for anyone who wears Versace. Number 7 is the only one on Bert’s list that I come even close to not agreeing with. From what little I have seen of Ricky Gervais, he seems ok. Not sure he deserves to host the damn thing though. 8. Coldplay 9.Twilight 10. Kanye West? If you enjoy any of these things please kill yourself. Thank you.
I almost forgot about my friends on Plurk. Which would have been a sad thing since they are a pleasantly talkative bunch. Click here to join in on this great social network!
In short, these awards shows represent everything I hate about the entertainment industry. It is the worst of the worst. The most fake jerking off the most shallow. It’s time for the “cool” kids to heap praises on each other and we little people are supposed to feel uplifted by some strange form of osmosis. Screw the Golden Globes and screw you if you fell for their crap show. You are part of the problem so suck it!
So what have they done now? It seems that they have asked SocialToo to discontinue their “auto-unfollow” feature. This lets a person automatically un-follow anyone that unfollows them. A great trick of spammers is to set a bot to follow several thousand accounts, wait for those people to follow them back, and then un-follow those people. This makes the spammer look like they have this massive following they don’t deserve. Then those parasites can trick people into all kinds of nefarious things. This can lead to hacked accounts, stolen identities, and any number of other things. All because the spammer was made to look more legit than they should. Setting an auto-unfollow through a great service like SocialToo helps keep that problem in check.
So if SocialToo is the one that will discontinue the service why not revolt against them? Well, SocialToo is pretty much held hostage by the fact that their entire service lives within the Twitter system. If Twitter does not approve them, they die. Although Jesse is too nice of a guy to come out and say it, Twitter is pretty much forcing him at gun point to kill this great service. It is not at all his fault, his choice, or his decision really. He provides a service to Twitter users, so Twitter has all the power.
So who will join me in trying to save Auto-unfollow? On Tuesday Jan 19th at 12:00 pacific can everyone send out a message that says “Tell Twitter to save auto-unfollow because it helps stop spam! #saveautounfollow” If we can make this a trending topic more people will know about this oversight and maybe Twitter will actually think about this stupid mistake.
Avatar was a good movie. I want to get that out of the way right off the bat. I did enjoy it and I recommend it for others. However, there are holes in the plot that are big enough to fly a Toruk through. If you go to see this movie, go see it in Imax 3-d. First off it was made with 3-d and Imax in mind from the very start. If you see this in regular 3-d or 2-d you are missing not only the whole point of the exercise but also pretty much the only reason this movie is worth your time. This is going to really hurt DVD sales I think because this movie has nothing to offer on a home screen.
The good stuff:
Because this movie was made to push the 3-d Imax to it’s limits, it looks downright amazing! It’s not just the whole 3-d gimmick of things flying at you. Sure there were times when I almost sneezed because there where Atokirina flying too close to my nose. Yes, the 3-d imagery is beyond anything I have ever seen in my life. But the colors were another layer that has to be mentioned in this review. We are so used to CGI being as lame as a Mighty Morphin Power Rangers monster that we just assume that is always the case. It is not the case here. Despite all the buzz about this movie being about how shockingly good these graphics are, most will not believe it until they see it. So don’t believe me. Just go see it. Just see it in full Imax 3-d or you are wasting your time. My one gripe of the cgi? The Na’vi themselves could have used some better texture on their flesh. They reminded me too much of the Smurfs.
What about the storyline?
What storyline? There really was none. Ok, there is a storyline but not much of one. In fact it is the most overused storyline in the history of Hollywood. Big bad army out to destroy a forest and all the life within. One member of that army sent in as a spy falls in love with one of the indigenous people and helps saves them from the bad people. The age old story that beats you over the head with the whole eco-friendly “save the planet” message for three hours. As a liberal I am kind of offended that they go for such a tired cliche.
Speaking of a tired old cliche, Unobtainium? Really? That might work as a working title, but to use it as the final name shows a painful lack of imagination. I also would have loved to have known why the hell it is so damn important! What is it used for? One of the most important elements of the movie (no pun intended) was just brushed over like it was just a taco truck they grabbed lunch at on the way to Pandora.
Speaking of Pandora, this is another thing that could have used a bit more imagination. Sure it was a character in Greek mythology and an even more well known box, but I could deal with those references. One of the natural satellites of Saturn? Cool. 55 Pandora is an asteroid. There are several songs that use that title too. I have no problem with any of that. But with it being a novel by Anne Rice (about a vampire of the same name), a fictional planet in the Noon Universe by Soviet authors Arkady and Boris Strugatsky, a fictional planet created by Frank Herbert (first introduced in The Jesus Incident), the name of a comic strip (and its lead character) in the UK music magazine Kerrang, a comic book character from Avatar Press, Pandora Braithwaite is a character in the Adrian Mole books, Pandora Moon is a character in the British drama Skins, Pandora Pann, a comic book character owned by DC Comics, Pandora Spocks is the heroine of the children’s comic Forty Winks, the pseudonym of Samantha’s cousin Serena on the TV Show Bewitched, a character in the Guitar Hero series of video games, the main character in the anime “Because I’m the Goddess”, the sister of the god Hades in the Saint Seiya anime and manga series, an Internet music site and radio station, as well as a good list of actual physical places on planet earth! There are tons more too, but this list was overly long as it is. My point however is that they could have thought up a more original name.
Now the reason why these small bits of laziness bug me so much is that they used so much originality in so many other places. Hell, there is an entire new language that was created for the Na’vi! It would not have increased the budget to get a better storyline, a better name for the rock, and a better name for the planet. It is because of these reasons that I insist on a total boycott of the DVD, cable viewings, 2-d theater viewings, and even non Imax 3-d viewings. However, I strongly encourage 3-d Imax viewings. Go Imax or stay home.
Many already know my problems with all apps and games on Facebook. I not only STRONGLY discouraged them, but have pretty much kept a zero tolerance to them for my own account. Although I have not kept a zero tolerance to fan pages and groups, I am still pretty strict. Some may wonder why I wouldn’t join a group of fan a page of something that I totally agree with. Well, the reason is simple. My time is short and I find that the best causes have the most pathetic fan pages.
People see a group that stands for something they believe in and they just click a button and join right up. It is so easy that they put almost no thought into it. Why is that a bad thing? Well, they put so little thought into joining that joining is all they ever do. There are fan pages with thousands of members and a dead wall! I joined Facebook to network and communicate. There won’t be much communication on a fan page with a dead wall. It does better for the cause for me to just post an update stating my belief. Why is it better to NOT join the group or fan page? Well, think about that dead wall. If a cause has a dead wall it makes the cause look weak. It shows that the people that believe in that cause are lazy and will not do much more than click a link to join a Facebook group. It let’s the enemy know that the group in no threat. Where as if you just post an update stating your thoughts on the case, it just opens up communication. No dead wall to let the enemy know it is a dead cause to be dismissed.
So just because I don’t join your fan page for “Pull up your pants you look like a douche”, doesn’t mean I’m going to start walking around with my pants below my waist looking like a homeless bum. It just means I would rather not remind the enemy that people against the homeless bum look are apathetic. So no matter how serious or comical your group or fan page is, do not bother to send me an invite. I believe enough in the cause to NOT join!
I am always shocked at how easy it is to fool people into giving up not only their own personal data, but their friends and loved ones as well. I just saw an online friend post a link to a cute little Christmas E-card. It looks so innocent until you look in the upper right corner. There is where you give them your friends email. This is an age old scam people. It is as old as the internet itself.
This is called harvesting data. They trick you into giving them all your friends contact info. Then they sell that info so that your friend can get tons of spam. Follow the money! How do you think they pay for this crap? They sell the data collected. Do you see a “privacy policy” anywhere? There is a reason. You have no privacy when it comes to an online greeting. E-cards are all scams! Do not send them to me. Do not send them at all! Do you like spam? Then by all means keep this up.
