How anti-rock sermons made me lose my religion

FSM

FSM

Many of you know that I am a passionate member of The Church Of The Flying Spaghetti Monster. To be specific I am what is called a “Spagnostic“. Meaning that I align myself with The Church Of The Flying Spaghetti Monster, because I am agnostic. If that confuses you please buy The Gospel Of The Flying Spaghetti Monster and you will understand. What many of you might not know is that I used to be a hardcore bible thumper. I used to go to church several times a week, every week, all year round. So what made me lose my religion? There were many things, but I think what started putting out the fire was anti-rock sermons that my parents made me go to.

How did anti-rock sermons make me lose my religion? Well they planted a seed in my head. You have to understand that when I was a Christian I was very passionate about it. I would take every opportunity I could to drill a million questions at the pastors. I would more often than not corner them into the standard cop out line. “You just have to have faith.” Which after awhile started to mean to me that the person was just to lazy to find the answer or they were afraid of what they would find if they did look a little deeper.

Of course this was started by anti-rock preachers who would slam rock and metal with very little research. They would talk about how the Metallica song “Master Of Puppets” was about how you should let Satan control you. The real message of the song is about the evils of drugs and how your life will no longer be your own if you take drugs. Drugs control you. Here Nancy Regan was spewing her “Just Say No” bullshit that made kids WANT to take drugs, but a band that was actually getting the message to kids was slammed? Ozzy had his song “Suicide Solution” that I was told was telling kids that suicide was cool. A tiny bit of research shows that the song is speaking out against the dangers of drinking alcohol. Solution has two meanings. It can also mean mixture or concoction. The message is that drinking is a mixture that leads to a slow suicide. It’s an anti-drinking song. Hell, if kids listened to their favorite rock and metal gods they would be pretty much puritanical! I once heard one preacher tell a crowd that Nikki Sixx got his name from the numbers 666. The truth is that he got the name from Jeff Nicholson of the Christian rock band Darrel Mansfield Band! It was Jeff’s stage name way before it was Frank’s stage name.

So were those preachers just lazy, stupid, or afraid to look any deeper out of fear of what they might find? How often are Christians afraid to look any deeper out of fear of what they might find? These preachers got me wondering what was under the surface and why so many Christians are afraid to look too deep. So I started doing so and that lead me to doubt my faith. Too often I got the cop out answer “You just got to have faith.” Those evil rock bands had a more positive and honest message than the preachers. So don’t tell the prophet Bobby Henderson, but Rock And Roll is my real religion. Just like when the late George Carlin prayed to Joe Pesci, I get the same results praying to the late Ronnie James Dio. Now RJD. That was one honest preacher with a great positive message for all.

(thanks to my good friend Sheila for pointing out a very embarrassing spelling error that has now been fixed)