Oct 302010

Please give $1 to this project THEN you can wish me a happy birthday.

So my birthday is Oct 31st (seriously it is)
On Facebook when it is someones birthday the tradition is to flood their wall with a ridiculous amount of posts that all say the same thing. No, not one post with a bunch of replies. Each person makes a separate post. Then you all think I’m being unreasonable by blocking people from posting on my wall?! Really? I’m the unreasonable one? Of course on Twitter you will get a ton of @ messages and every social network does the same thing. This on the day after The Rally For Sanity?

Let’s Do Something Good
So instead of doing the normal meaningless mess online, I propose something that does a little good. I have always been a supporter of the arts, especially when it is actually original. So instead I want to support the most original production I have seen in a very long time. It is the Heavy Metal Opera put on by a local band called Arakus. I know what you are thinking. Probably the same thing I was thinking. “Oh crap this is going to be so painfully low budget that it will break records of how much failure a production can have.” But I have seen the first part of this production and it was amazing. GO HERE for some photos I took to see that this is no low budget hack work. GO HERE to check out some music from the production.

All I ask is that before you wish me a happy birthday please just give this production one measly dollar. I follow thousands of you online between the many social networks. I am only asking for one little dollar so this production can happen. If they make their goal I will unlock my wall for 24 hours and let you all post away as much as you wish. Deal? One dollar. Can we do it?

You can also check out this video for a sample of what this Opera has to offer NOT just for metalheads, but fans of good art.

Oct 132010

Book Review: Daemon and Freedom By Daniel Suarez



Have you ever watched one of those really bad NOT SO original movies on the Syfy channel? Ever seen the ones where a computer program takes over the world? Ok, now imagine someone gets it right. No, seriously gets it right. Imagine the story is really well written, the tech is done so well that even a geek learns new stuff about technology, and the story ends in a way that you never imagined. That is this book.

With this review I can’t even tell you who the villain is and who the hero is or it will ruin the book for you. I pretty much can’t say anything other than you must read this book! I hear that rights to the book have been sold and a movie is planned for 2012. This worries me as there is no way Hollywood can make a respectable movie of this book. They will second guess themselves until the things that make this story so great are removed. Then people will see the movie and think this book sucks. It happened with The Golden Compass and now the amazing trilogy of His Dark Materials will never se the light of day. How bad did they screw up His Dark Materials? The same talentless hacks went on to do Twilight. Not joking. Look it up. So when this movie comes out do not judge this story on that movie. Read this book before they even start filming please! It is available in audio book form. This is the way I read it. I work a job where I don’t need my brain for 4 hours a day. So I listen to audiobooks so I don’t get bored.



Anyways, about the book. Matthew Sobol, a legendary computer game design wizard dies of cancer. He sets up a computer program that runs in the background. This is called a Daemon. It scans news headlines for his death. As soon as the program knows he is dead it sets things in motion. It creates other programs that move money, recruit operatives to do his bidding, kill, and pretty much organize a hostel take over of the planet. It uses blackmail, intimidation, and people’s own desperation to control them. I know all that sounds pretty damn cheesy by it’s self, but trust me that after that the real story unfolds. I can’t tell you how this story separates from the standard or it will ruin it for you. In the end you will re-think what is important. It may change your religious, political, and personal beliefs. It is just that good. I can’t recommend this book enough.

Oct 112010

Why Name Dropping Will Never Help Your Band

Name This Band?

Name This Band?

I read way too many band bio’s doing what I do for RockMyMonkey. After a few decades of doing so I have ended up with a few pet peeves about bad bios. If you read enough of these posts you will learn quickly what those are. The one I want o talk about this time though is name dropping bigger bands. No one cares, so stop that!

The most popular version of useless name dropping is where a band drops all the big bands they have played with. This means nothing. It means you paid a big bag of cash to get on a bigger stage. Yes this will get you in front of a bigger crowd and I am one of the very few people who supports this kind of “Pay To Play” model. It gets a band in front of more people and that is a good thing. Especially if that bigger band might have some crossover with their fanbase. But it means nothing about how good you are or what you sound like. It tells the person nothing as far as if your band will fit their publication or if that music fan will like your band. So just stop it!

There is also the band that name drops every popular band at the time under their influences. Which pretty much makes listing influences totally worthless. I have seen bands name drop the band Trouble when they sound more like Korn. Listing your influences is a great thing, but only if you are honest about it and only list those bands that would have a crossover of fans. Would fans of Slayer enjoy your Limp Bizkit style band? Probably not, but they might give you the beating you deserve. So maybe it’s not such a bad thing after all?

The third style of name dropping in a bio that needs to stop is listing a quote from a member of an established band. “Dave Mustaine said o the band, “Awesome. I love it!” when really what happened was that a friend of the band got backstage, that friend played 10 seconds of the band from their phone, Dave placated them to be nice and said what he needed to so the person would go away without hurt feelings. When I read these quotes it means nothing.

Stop name dropping. Just explain what the band sounds like. Be honest about your influences. Stick to the facts. Unless you suck that is enough. If you can’t find enough to say without the B.S. maybe your band is more interested in what is popular of cool than what kind of music is truly in your heart. There is a local band in Seattle that played full on mall-metal for well over a decade. It was horridly painful rap-core garbage. They went nowhere! Then about a year ago they switched to this doom/stoner style and their fanbase is growing at an insane pace. The band is exploding very fast and all they did was start being honest about what music was in their souls. Try that instead of name dropping.

Oct 072010

Top Ten Reasons Google Is The Instant King Of The URL Shortners



1. QR codes
The whole QR thing is exploding like crazy. To be honest I’m not even sure why an article needs a QR code, but they give you one for everything you submit.

2. Google Rank
I don’t know if it actually counts to your Google rank, but it can’t hurt.

3. Analytics
Yeah I know the others give this too, but this is Google so it will be of course end up linked in with everything else. When it’s linked in with everything else Google offers it will be analytics on a big bag of crack!

4. Brand Recognition
The problem with URL shortners is that most people still feel unsure about them. Spammers and virus makers use them to hide their suspicious links. People (The non tech savvy) will feel more comfortable with the name of Google than anyone else.

5. All Our Bass Belong To Them
Google is the king and trying to go against them is just suicide

6. Tools, Widgets, And API
Google has been known to make things open source, give the most powerful API’s, and offer the greatest tools. It is why they are king. This will evolve to be one massive beast.

7. Security
A few years back Google started giving alerts to websites that are not safe. I’m pretty confident this level of security will be a major part of this service as well.

8. You Are Already Logged In
If you run a website (or two, three, four), chances are pretty big that you already are logged into the Google system. No need to remember what your username is for that other service.

9. Longevity
The biggest problem with URL shortners is that they are start ups that may go under once the initial funding runs out. Google will be around much longer than any of them. The chances of them going away are smaller than with anyone else. So your links won’t stop working or be taken over by some spammer.

10. Trust
I don’t see Google adding advertising frames around my content anytime soon like some others have done in the past. I can trust them from the webmaster point of view.

Many of Google’s projects a full of all kinds of fail. But notice recently how that is becoming the outcome less and less? Android is kicking butt, Google voice is doing great, and this has the other URL shortners running scared for a good reason too. Has Google become too powerful? Well I for one love our new leaders and will obey them without question. All hail the great and powerful Oz…er, I mean Google.

Oct 062010

Why Justin Bieber will die in 2011

Justin Bieber

Justin Bieber

Ok, maybe not him, but at least his career. Not sure if he will be caught in a compromising position with a bear, start doing drugs, or just snap at some lame wannabe blogger for a stupid and overly sensational headline, but mark my words it will happen! Yeah, I know we all hate the poor kid. He is annoying as hell and we wish he would just go away.

Well folks I predict that things will fall apart for him before his next album is even released. Why you ask? Well here are my top ten reasons. If you think he will fall apart, wish he would fall apart, or just want his other fans of his to send me hate mail too, please send this link to a friend, post the link on Facebook, send the link to everyone on Twitter, and submit it to sites like Digg, Mixx, Reddit, and others.

10. Perez Hilton claims he’s best buds

9. Even Daniel Radcliffe Thought Justin Bieber Was A Woman!

8. He was Found To Be Cleverly Disguised 51-Year-Old Pedophile!

7. Most people can take on several clones of him at once in a fight.

6. He looks like a lesbian

5. He makes $200,000 a night and that much money at that age makes for really bad decisions.

4. South Park Season 12 Episode 2

3. I hear he already has syphilis

2. Puberty

1. His hamster died a very mysterious death

Ok, most of those are not true (did you check the links I provided), but it does show one thing. A great majority of the population can’t stop ripping this kid to shreds. It is far worse than anything Britney Spears, Miley Cyrus, The Jonas Brothers, or even the youngest Hanson kid got. When he does in fact come out of the closet he will be found with an insane amount of heroin, his much older boy friend, and who knows what else. When it happens it’s going to make Leif Garrett look like Dr. Drew in comparison! Honestly I feel sorry for the kid.

Oct 052010

Top Ten Online Comics You Need To Be Reading



1. Neurotically Yours
Ever heard of Foamy The Squirrel before? This is the comic version of that YouTube sensation. I didn’t even know Foamy had a comic version until I started doing this list.

2. The Oatmeal
This is probably the hottest new web comic out right now. It is also one of the most re-posted ones around. If you haven’t seen this one you must not spend any time at all on the internet. Highly recommended.

This seems to be the most popular online only comic. I get sent this comic from people that are not even geeks. It’s popularity is pretty amazing except for the fact that it is almost always worth at least a chuckle.

4. NComment
Probably one of the least consistent online comics I follow, but when he does update it is pretty awesome stuff. However, unless you are active on Digg, Mixx, and/or Reddit you will not get why this one is so great.

5. Cyanide And Happiness
This is another one that is extremely popular even in the mainstream non-geek world. It is also very obvious why. Almost everytime it gets a laugh out of me. It is pretty dark though. Sometimes as dark as Die Toon Die.

6. Die Toon Die
Out of all the online comics I am a fan of, this is the most twisted one. The website says “There are 10,000 ways to die” and he seems to be hell bent on posting cartoons on every one. I found the comic through social networking site Plurk. The creator followed me and started posting the comics on the site. I also highly recommend following the creator of the comic on Twitter (http://twitter.com/jerrythomas). He posts some pretty funny stuff almost every night. Could he be the next hit television show from a Twitter account? Nah, I think he is a little too dark for that.

7. Penny Arcade
Now not being a big gamer I don’t follow this one religiously either. It is however one of the most popular ones around. When I do read it I like it. I’m just not a gamer. I added it to this list because of it’s popularity and because I know a ton of you are gamers.

8. The Joy Of Tech
I have to admit that I don’t really follow this one at this point. I just wait for others to post it to Facebook, Twitter, Google Reader, or Mixx. When I do read it I enjoy it, but I just don’t have time for all the great content out there.

9. Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
I have to credit Mr. Babyman for introducing me to this one. The cartoon is great when you can catch it, but the website has some horrid navigation. I have never foudn a way to look though the comics by date. All you can do is hit a random button. So catch the current one or you are S.O.L. To be honest though, I’m not sure how to know if a comic is the current one. So great comic, but a horrid website probably keeps this one from getting too popular.

10. Ctrl + Alt + Del
This one barely made the chart to be honest. I’ve read this one from time to time. It is pretty good, but hit and miss on the funny. If you just love web comics with a geek culture spin then you should check this one out. You might like it better than I do. Plus, barely making this list isn’t too bad since there are tons that didn’t make this list. I could have easily made this a ton 100 list.

Oct 042010

Top Ten Cute Sayings For The Retarded



There are so many cute little sayings that people say everyday, but make no sense. In fact if you actually believe them you have to be slightly mentally handicapped.

1. Nuff Said
In almost every case what ever the short comment preceding this statement is, it leaves many questions. In other words, not enough was said. Give me some details and stop being such a lazy little bitch.

2. This Too Shall Pass
People say this about all kinds of things. Most often about things that will never pass. As the band Crowbar once said, Time Heals Nothing!

3. The Cream Always Rises
No it doesn’t! Have you heard of the show “So You Think You Can Dance?” Of course you have. It has gone on for several years and many seasons. Ever heard of the show Firefly? One of the most amazing shows ever. It lasted one season and 14 episodes. Ever heard of Justin Bieber? Annoying twat isn’t he? How about the band Supershine? Didn’t think so. Emil Krotky once said “Mediocrity is forgiven more easily than talent.” The crap always rises. Cream gets shoved to the bottom unless it’s an overpriced cup of coffee. Now shut your pie hole.

4. The Grass Is Always Greener On The Other Side
I asked Bill Gates and he said you were full of crap. He has no interest in the other side. His grass is greener.

5. Mother Always Knows Best
Really? What if the persons mother is a crack head? What if she’s selling anything she can for another hit of meth? Or maybe she’s just a drunk? What about all the mothers who beat their kids? What if your mother is a mental case, is really depressing to be around, and refuses to admit she has a problem? Mother doesn’t always know best and you need to think for yourself before you wind up doing nothing with your life except playing Farmville and watching American Idol you mindless sheep.

6. That which does not destroy us makes us stronger.
Friedrich Nietzsche is the one that came up with this one. The truth is that you can also end up beaten, crippled, and a shell of your former self. If you’ve given it your all you could just end up a totally spent sorry excuse for human life. If you are trying for that one you are really reaching and it’s pathetic.

7. You can’t buy love
Well, Nelson Rodrigues once said “Money buys everything, even true love.” Another version of this saying is that “Money can’t buy happiness.” Well I can tell you first hand that being poor doesn’t buy jack either. When I go to the movies it makes me happy. When I buy a candy bar it makes me happy. Sure that happiness is fleeting, but that is besides the point. It did buy happiness and the saying is a bunch of crap.

8. Something Something
So if you say the word twice it changes the meaning? No? Oh, well in that case you’re just an idiot! Some put on their extra stupid leotards by removing a letter or two off of the end. Not sure if it is possible to be more retarded, but it just might be so.

9. Kick it
As in “I’m just going to kick it.” or “I’m just kicking it.” What is so wrong with just saying that you are going to hang out for awhile? Or just say, “I’m just going to relax for awhile.” Oh, you don’t sound like an idiot if you say it that way. Ok, I didn’t realize that was your goal. Douche!

10. That’s What I’m Talking about
In almost every case the person wasn’t talking about anything. When people say this, they are almost never talking about “THAT”. You might as well just say “Why yes I totally agree Reginald.” for as lame as it sounds.

In case you haven’t figured it out yet, trendy sayings bug the living hell out of me. Mostly because people say them for decades after they have become lame. Instead why not think for yourself and work on trying to sound intelligent? Or is that too much to ask? Maybe you need to see if they have a sale on braincells? Or it that the problem? You bought your brain from Wal-Mart on sale didn’t you? No wonder you’re so retarded. Just kill your self please. Seriously. World Won’t Miss You!