Tech consultant for Olympia, Lacey, And Tumwater

Stop Spreading Fudd!

Fudd

What’d You Call Me!?
So I ended up with a job as a sort of Tech Consultant recently. Not exactly sure how this happened as I wasn’t looking for a new job and never filled out an application. I do know that the guy I am replacing seemed to work really hard at making technology sound as complicated as he could. This bothers me. As a passionate lover of technology I want to share it with as many as i can. I want others to love it as I do. To do this I try and explain technology to as many as I am able to. I can’t help but be any other way because I love this and have a passion for it. The other guys just want your money.

Don’t Make Me Angry…You Wouldn’t Like Me When I’m Angry
I have a major pet peeve when it comes to technology. I get really pissy when I hear people use terms like “RTFM” or link people to websites like “Let Me Google That For You” instead of actually helping the person. People are afraid enough about technology and as an industry the last thing we need is for people to be helping to spread the “F.U.D.D.” (Fear Uncertainty & Doubt). I need to print up t-shirts that say “Don’t Spread The F.U.D.D.!” I hate F.U.D.D. and I despise the people that encourage it!

This Is Not Voodoo!
Now my new boss thinks that my main job is to increase his Google rankings. To me that is the easy part and a small part of the job. As far as I’m concerned my real job is to destroy this line of thinking that looks at this type of technology as some kind of freaky voodoo. Cooking Mac & Cheese is pretty complicated until someone shows you how. If you have a good teacher this stuff is easy. Trust me…please!

Does Your SEO Guy Sound Like This…
Watch this video. If your S.E.O. guy sounds like him, run. Run fast! Do not trust them for even a second. They are full of crap and they are a scam. They will lock you into things you can’t ever take full control over. They will treat you like a crack dealer treats a junkie and you will be their slave until they suck your company dry.

Call Me! You Can Call Me, Call Me, Anytime, Call Me!
If your guy sounds like the guy above when trying to explain how the internet can help your small business. Please call me instead. My Office hours are 12 noon pacific until 8 pm pacific. My number is 360-789-0703 People from Olympia, Lacey, and Tumwater Washington especially encouraged.

This Is How It Should Be Done!
Now neither the video above nor the video below were created by me. However, this video below is a great example of the right attitude about how to explain tech. Here he explains something called RSS. Asking a geek to explain RSS is like asking someone to explain breathing. They will look at you like you are a retard and proceed to talk down to you. Instead, I prefer to do it like the great people at Common Craft. Enjoy…

Some Thoughts On “The Whole Gay Thing”

Gay Republican

So this will probably be the most controversial post I ever write, but I feel the need to do it. I recently interviewed a very famous musician that is somewhat still in the closet. It was great to interview him, but I found one thing very disturbing. They have a video described by the artist as “a tale of man-on-man ‘bonding’”. During the interview I was asked what I thought of the video and I replied that it made me a little uncomfortable. It has a major gay theme that is extremely obvious.

Now I want to make it clear that although I am very straight, I totally support gay rights. However, because I am straight I have no interest in watching guys get gay with each other. I would also totally understand why a gay man would have no interest in watching a hetro-sexual couple go at it. That’s how I know I am straight. I have to admit that I was a little offended when the artist came just short of accusing me of being insecure about my sexuality. If I was excited or entertained by half naked men going at it, wouldn’t I have to be a little gay? Am I homophobic because I don’t like gay porn? Isn’t it rude to claim I am? Doesn’t doing so risk making a supporter of gay rights less likely to speak up for the cause? Do people not see the harm it causes to infer these things?

Now I have no problem with the band making the video. If they as artists felt the need to make that video, they would have been sell outs to not make it. An artist must always do what an artist feels they need to do. If a person is gay (or bi), it should be totally expected that this kind of thing will be a part of their art. So I defend the band’s right to create their art in the way they feel they need to. However I do not defend telling someone they are insecure about their sexuality if they are not entertained by pseudo gay porn. Gay people want everyone to accept them for who they are. Well, I think you are an idiot to not accept people for who they are. So why could this artist not accept that I’m not gay and so not entertained by a very gay video?

I make this challenge. If you want someone to accept you for who you are, then you must do the same. A gay person must accept that another person is not gay. If that person is not gay, they will not be entertained by gay entertainment. Accept that or you are committing the same sin that you are asking others to refrain from. One question I always ask is if I have become what I have always fought against. Because if I have, I have gone from being an asset to the cause to it’s worst enemy. I did not go into this debate during the interview because time was short and it was not the right setting for this debate. However, I felt passionate enough about it to bring it to my personal blog.

One of my biggest idols is Rob Halford. Unlike this artist, he is a very open gay man. I once came very close to a fist fight for defending Rob’s sexual orientation. It was when Judas Priest toured with Ozzfest. I got stuck in the grass and there was this younger guy sitting behind me with two women. He kept making all kinds of rude comments about how he couldn’t respect Judas Priest because their singer was gay. At some point some explosions went off as part of the show. I instantly hear this very high pitched squeal. It hurt my ears and I whipped around to give the women a nice evil stare. They immediately informed me that it was the homophobic guy friend with them that made those noises. I turned to him and said something like “Someone who sequels like a bitch has no right to slam Rob Halford for being gay.” He behaved himself for the remainder of the show. I vote for every gay rights bill and have many gay friends. Those gay friends respect that I’m not gay and don’t go making out in front of me. I give them the same respect.

The whole point of this post is this. For you to expect respect from anyone, you must respect them the exact same way. Accept people for who they are. Never argue with someone that says they are straight or gay. Just accept them for who they are. Throwing around the “homophobic” card where it doesn’t belong hurts the cause just as much as throwing the race card at someone who isn’t racist. It can make enemies where there where none before. It can also inspire rants like this. No one wants that now do they?

Oh, and if you openly hate gays I will assume you are a closet homosexual just like all those gay Republicans. Respect gets respect. Respect yourself, respect others, then you will get respect. It’s pretty simple really.

Tech Press Agents Vs Entertainment Press Agents

Press Agents

So recently I hired a press agent for my start up. It took me months to find a music industry press agent that had a clue about tech stuff. I was lucky enough to find one. Most music industry people are about as clueless about technology as a new born baby is to quantum physics. So why not just hire a press agent that specializes in technology and start ups? Because my start up is a music site first and a tech thing second. I would rather get press from Spin, Billboard, or Rolling Stone magazine instead of Tech Crunch, Mashable, or Read Write Web (say that ten times fast out loud). Now I want to make it clear that any press is great. As a fan I read those tech blogs more than the music publications I just listed. I would love press from all six of them! I am just more interested in coverage from the music press because this is a music site. So I found a press agent that could handle that.

Now I am able to say I have dealt with press agents both as the editor of a music publication and as a client. I have no problem with press agents. They have a job to do and there are many I think do it very well. But I come from the entertainment industry angle. In the entertainment industry press agents are “handlers”. Rock stars are not the most organized, punctual, or business savvy people around. So the press agent is part secretary, part manager, part assistant, and part guide. Without them my interviews would almost never be on time and that would be if I was lucky enough to get the interview scheduled in the first place. Not only that but their liaison role can sometimes keep the bigger celebrities from having their mobile and home numbers exposed to overly eager journalists. So add protector to that list above. In the entertainment industry press agents are very important. Journalists form a relationship with the press agents that tend to work the artists that fit their publications format.

This is not at all the case with the tech industry. When I mentioned I was getting a press agent I had some of my friends in the tech industry seriously wonder why I would do such a thing. In the tech industry press agents are looked at as spammers. They are considered to be almost parasites. They get zero respect. This is a total opposite from how they are treated in the entertainment industry. If my press agent tried to get one of the tech blogs I listed above to cover my start up, they would be treated like they were a phone solicitor. But if they tried to get coverage on a music blog they would probably have pretty good luck. So that leads me to wonder how press agents are looked at in different industries. Are they only given respect for their hard work when they are working humans? If they are working a website, gadget, tool, software, beverage, or any other non-organic entity are they treated with disdain? Does the press agent working the competitors of Makita get the brush off from carpenter magazines? Why are press agents with non-human clients treated with so little respect? I’m just curious.

So why the big divide? Can anyone answer me on this one?

Has flipping off the camera become the new brick wall?

Middle Finger

Ok, to be clear I am not the least bit offended by people flipping the bird. In fact just the opposite. I’m bored. I’m jaded. I’m thinking it has become so standard that it is the uniform metalheads have tried so hard to avoid. It has become the proverbial “brick wall promo shot“. Think about how many bands take promo shots in front of a brick wall. It is the worst cliche and there have even been several blogs devoted to making fun of bands with brick wall promo shots. Why? Because it shows a major lack of imagination. How do you expect your band to stand out from the crowd if you are doing the same thing as every band out there? Doing a promo shot in front of a brick wall just screams “I don’t want to stand out from the crowd and my band has nothing new to offer!” Seriously, before you read the rest of this article, CLICK HERE and check out some great examples of what I am talking about.

Well, I say that flipping off the camera has become the same thing. One of the major rules I have learned in life is that if you want to stand out from the crowd you need to stop doing what every other band is doing. If the popular trend is stuck doing one thing, do something else. When the late Ronnie James Dio started throwing the devil horns at shows so many decades ago, no one was doing that. It made him stick out like nothing else. In the early 90′s there was a very select few bands that did the extreme vocal in metal. It was rare enough that the few bands that did it were able to find a unique way of doing it and they all stuck out. Now I could play 20 bands in a row and have extreme metal fans not recognize a single song. Why? They are all doing the same thing and they don’t stick out at all!

I get it, it’s a rebel thing. You are showing that you stand against the status quo. But that is the problem. You are following that status quo! It’s not a rebel thing if everyone is doing it. It is the status quo! It is that uniform we all claim to hate. Think about the legends that truly stand out in metal. I mean the ones that have lasted more than a couple decades and are able to earn a respectable living at what they do. Everyone of them have something in common. They were able to be unique enough to stand out from the crowd. So think really hard about the next time someone sticks a camera in your bands face. What will you do to make that image stick in peoples minds? What will make that photo stand out from all the rest? Make that one unique thing the first thing people notice when they see photos of your band. It is your new calling card. Leave the unimaginative cliches to the unimaginative.

Protesting Is Dead

Protesting

Yeah, I know this blog has turned into nothing more than me ranting endlessly about things that normal people barely even notice. Well, I’m not normal. In fact normal bugs the living hell out of me! So this is my blog and I will rant to my 3 readers if I want to!

So today’s rant is about protesting. This world is so full of protesting failure. The reason is that there is no passion in it anymore. People protest because they are bored and have nothing else to do. It reminds me of that song “It’s Saturday” by King Missile.

A picket sign has lost all meaning:
So the right wing wackos picket abortion clinics and the left wing hippies picket against the war. Has either noticed that none of them have ever been won over by the others picket signs? Correct me if I am wrong, but a right wing wacko has never looked at an anti-war sign held by some dirty hippie and suddenly changed their mind, right? Anyone ever know of a situation where a bleeding heart liberal has seen a group protesting an abortion clinic and changed their entire political position the second they saw the anti-abortion sign? Nope. Didn’t think so. The truth is that the picket sign has lost all meaning, but yet bored people who have nothing better to do with their time continue to waste their time doing so. In fact, many people would say that this behavior only solidifies a persons hatred for the opposition. So your picket signs only make it less likely that a person will see your side of things. Good job loser!

Are you racist xenophobes or not?
However, this is better than the Facebook protests. These are people who only care enough about something to click a button with their mouse. They only care enough about a cause to devote one second. Wow, that’s passion! The thing is that you can go into that persons profile and find contradictory like pages. On one hand they “like” the page for “If I live in America I shouldn’t have to push one to speak English”, but then also “like” a page saying Arizona should be ashamed of themselves. Come on people, make up your mind! Are you racist xenophobes or not!

Look In The Mirror Idiot!
So why should I care? Well, it is dumbing down the act of protesting. People don’t even know what protesting is anymore. All they know how to do is bitch, moan, and complain. Union halls have less people show up to contract negotiation meetings because “the union never does anything for them”. The problem is that these people don’t realize that they are the union that isn’t doing anything for them. It’s like me complaining that I’m fat while I stuff big hunks of fudge down my gullet. No really, could someone explain to me why I’m fat? Oh, and please hand me another cheeseburger.

Boycott BP Protests!
The true inspiration for this blog post though is all the lip service people are giving to the most apathetic and not at all thought out protesting of British Petroleum. Understand, I do think that they are parasitical bastards that need to be hung up by their testicles in the town square. My problem is that your protests are giving them way too much entertainment. The truth is that no matter how much we scream and yell, nothing will be done. Even my right wing friends will find this video to be one great piece from MSNBC…

Go Electric Or Shut The Hell Up!
They know that you will still get in your car. This means that you will still burn fossil fuels. This means that you will still buy their products. B.P. products do not always go under the B.P. name. So even if you avoid B.P. when their gas is 50% of the price of other gas stations, you will still buy B.P. products. Oh, I know some of you have lists of every company you can find with a connection to B.P., but how many people do you think will keep to that list for a few years? I promise you that it will not be enough to make even the slightest dent in the collection of $100 bills the heads of B.P. use to wipe their asses with. You are trying to motivate people to keep to this list when they have been trained to protest by doing nothing more than clicking a like button on Facebook while watching America’s Idol (sic) and stuffing themselves with food from Wal-Mart.

Protesting is dead. It was killed by America’s passion for apathy and sloth.

PRESS AGENTS: Top ten ways to make me not care

Press Agents

So I have been doing independent (meaning I loose money doing this) for a couple decades now. I have read so many press releases that I have become beyond jaded about them. There are key words and phrases I look for to dismiss the artist. Seriously I do. So here are the top ten things a press agent can use to get me to NOT care about the artist they are pushing. Another great list made by someone else can be found HERE.

1. Some version of the artist being the next big thing
When I hear a band is “burning up the charts”, I assume it is some lame pop artist that sucks.

2. They will kick your ass and rip your face off!
Phrases like this are used for artists that are brutal for the sake of being brutal, but can’t play worth shit. This means that the craft of writing a solid song was forgotten before the first note was recorded. I like it heavy, but where’s the song?

3. The band “leaks” a single on their MySpace
Ok, if it comes from an official source it is not a leak you moron

4. Not making it clear what style of music they play
Yeah, I know it’s cool to say you hate categories, but if you can’t at least nail it down to hard rock, metal, punk, pop, or polka, I will assume the band plays polka and not care. Get to the point. People have short attention spans. This includes my readers and myself. And most importantly, don’t hide the info. Make it big, bold, and loud! As if the band was proud of what they do.

This includes (but is not limited to) the band being cute and witty about MySpace categories. Many times I can’t find any info on what the band plays, so I open up the MySpace page. Then I see the band listing themselves as Christian Rap to be cute and witty. So I dismiss them because I don’t cover Christian Rap. Many times they are not that style, but I don’t have the extra five to ten minutes to listen to their music to find out if I should even care. Once you convince me to care I will listen. First you have to convince me I should care though. I don’t care about Christian Rap, so if I see that I won’t investigate a second further to find out you were just joking.

5. Sending the press release as a doc, pdf, jpg, or gif file
You are adding extra steps to my busy schedule. So you are starting things off by being a pain in the ass. Why would you want to start off our relationship with me hating you? Yes I despise html emails, but they are the industry standard. So I am forced to forgive that. So send it as an HTML email or if you don’t know how to do that without sending it as an extra file, just send it as plain text.

6. Putting stuff not for public in the middle of the press release
Ok, I honestly do not read every word of every press release. I just don’t have time. So I glance over things, copy, and paste. So if you do not place that info after the standard three pound signs you are risking people posting the direct download to the cd you are trying to increase sales of.

7. Tracking URLs in your HTML email
Ok, this is one of the reasons I despise HTML emails. Any internet security expert will tell you to watch out for questionable links. Everyone is encouraged to “view status bar” and mouse over links before clicking on them to make sure it is the link it claims to be. Then you press agents go and give us some super long tracking url with a domain none of our readers have heard of. This makes them question the integrity of our site. It makes them feel unsafe. So stop with the tracking urls. If the website address is www.website.com then it should say www.website.com when I mouse over the link. Otherwise people don’t think we are a safe site. I know your reasons for doing this questionable behavior, but please understand my reasons for asking you to stop.

8. Where are the current press shots?
Now a few of you labels have great press areas where I can grab one in seconds. Others always include some massively large image in the actual email (which is perfect). Others have your Facebook page updated with good sized press shots. One of you (yes just one that I know of) is now anal about keeping their website updated. THIS COMPLAINT IS NOT FOR ANY OF YOU! I love you people! It doesn’t matter that every single one of you has a different method of getting me the current photo. I can remember that no problem. The ones that make me spend hours trying to find a current press shot really piss me off though. There is nothing like taking 45 minutes to post something that should have taken 10 minutes just because you didn’t give me a current photo! Many times I just pass on the press release because trying to find a press shot pissed me off so much.

9. Headlines
Why does a press release have 4 headlines? Stick to one. What is most important? What is the newest info? What is the most newsworthy? Also, don’t make it a book. It’s a headline. The shorter the better. It doesn’t have to contain everything. Lastly, try to put the band’s name at the beginning of the headline. It helps readers browse over for the bands they care about the most.

10. Hidden links
Ok, fine. Use your stupid HTML email. It makes my head explode, but I will suck it up if you would do me one favor. Whenever possible, display the url. Don’t say, “Go HERE for more info” and have the word HERE link to their website. Display the url so I can just copy all the text and paste it in. Otherwise I have to view your email in text form, copy it all, paste it into notepad, clean up your html mail abortion, and then paste it into my system so my readers don’t have unclickable words of CLICK HERE.

Now I know what some of you are thinking. “What are you, some copy and paste blogger or a real journalist?” Well, pasting your press releases is not why I got into this. Pasting your press releases has never been why I do this at all. It gives me zero pleasure and gets in the way of why I do this in the first place. I have wrote less than 20 reviews all year last year. I would have loved to do more but I was wasting all my time fighting to post your lame ass press releases! I would love to stop posting press releases, but many of you depend on me replying with “Info posted at ___” to know if I am interested in that release.

So please help me get back to actual creating, writing, and doing real journalism by keeping the ten items above in mind. I can’t be the only one bothered by these things. Thanks.

Another great list made by someone else can be found HERE.

The Revolver Golden Gods Awards Show Was An Insult To Metal

Revolver Golden Fraud Awards

Sorry it took me so long to get thsi posted. It may seem like old news, but I’m still ticked off about it and you should be too! Am I the only one who felt a little insulted by the Revolver Golden Gods special on VH1? The thing starts off with the most annoying tribute to Bill And Ted that I think I have ever seen. Many great legends debased themselves and should be ashamed of themselves for that. Every one of them are so much better than that crap. Then we get Motorhead playing Ace Of Spades? Really? I can see mainstream media making him play that worn out song, but I would expect an award show that is supposed to be for metal to give the man a little more respect that that and have him play something from at least the last couple decades. The band has a ton of great material just from their last cd. The disrespect continued to flow from there.

I will give them points for giving an award to Ronnie James Dio right off the bat. Sure they had no idea that he was about to die a few months later, but they did know that at that point he was fighting for his life. So points to them for giving a legend his due at such an important time.

Then they follow it with one of the most boring bands in Metal. I don’t give a rats ass if they are bible thumpers. I really don’t. What I do care about is that their music is a perfect example of what is wrong with metal. They are as much of an insult to Metal as that opening skit was. That skit at least just lasts only a few minutes. As I Lay Dying has several albums with of making a joke out of the music I love.

Now just as with Motorhead, Rob Zombie gets up and plays a song from last century. I’m pretty sure he has a new album out, right? Sure it’s not that great, but shouldn’t an award show give props to new material? If Rob can’t put out good material anymore, don’t have him perform. Get someone up there that has released some good solid material in the last year.

I have to say that this was better than last year, but there is still tons of room for improvement. Yes it is great that we have an award show for Metal, but I think Metal deserves better. And what about some of the great talent that isn’t packing 10 thousand seat amphitheaters this summer? What about Overkill? They have a great new cd out. Evile has an amazing new cd out as well. Oh, I get it. This is for mainstream Metal only then?

Looks like Metal still needs an award show.

Stop Auto Play Websites!

Stop The Noise

I am still amazed when I run into websites that start blasting music at me the second the page loads. Are we stuck in the 90′s? Even MySpace has made it so the default for a band page is to not do this. They now make a band dig into their settings to make this happen. Why? Because it is just bad form. It’s rude and it turns people off. They also got tired of paying for the bandwidth for people that didn’t want to hear the music in the first place. It is why “Band Spam” on MySpace was getting such a bad reputation! For the most part it is looked down on, but people still do it. I recently made a post on several social networks ranting about this practice. Most of the people of course agreed that it drove them nuts when bands do this. A few wondered why it is frowned on.

It is very frowned on for several reasons. Listening to the band’s music is only one of many reasons to go to a band’s website. You could be going there to check tour dates. You could be reading up on a new release. Maybe you are a music journalist just looking for a band photo. I could go on and on. The point is that blasting away at someone without giving them the choice is rather presumptuous and a little rude.

So why is it rude? What if I am in bed doing one of the many things that can be done on a band website other than listening to music. I forgot to turn my speakers off and the site blasts away before I can click the mute button. That band just woke my wife up because they assumed I could only be at their site to listen to music. Or what if I am trying to review a cd of THAT VERY BAND? I already have a cd playing. Now I can’t surf around their site without songs stopping and starting with each page load. Most people listen to music on their computers and your browser doesn’t have it’s own specific volume control.

I have lost count on how many times I have had to stop listening to a cd I was trying to review because I was trying to surf around a band’s website to check some facts on my article. I had to stop listening to the cd I was writing about so I could mute my volume while I surfed around the site! Now of course if browsers had their own volume control this would solve the problem, but the best solution is to leave it up to the person visiting your site.

Now it is not just bands that do this. I have even seen charity sites that have little to do with music inflict this on people. Bandwidth is expensive, so why pay for bandwidth just to annoy people and turn them off to your band? Not only is making people click the play button first create a better experience but it saves the band money. How hard is it to click a play button? Not too hard if the website design is done well.

So please everyone, do your part to convince bands, record labels, and everyone else to stop auto play websites. It’s just bad business.