Top Ten People & Things that will die in 2009

Tuesday, January 13th, 2009
by Mark Carras

Top Ten people & things that will die in 2009!

1. The RIAA.
They have been dying all through 2008 already so this may not be that big of a stretch. They have had major labels leave already too. Now very recently they have said they will stop suing individuals and start suing internet service providers. Small problem. Warner Bros is both a record company and an ISP. So will the WB pay the RIAA to sue them? I don’t think so. Things are falling apart faster than ever for this organization.

2. Yahoo!
If it doesn’t just totally fade to black it will be split off into so many pieces that it will be there in name only. Either that or it will be swallowed up in part or in whole by another bigger fish.

3. Steve Jobs
Can’t do MacWorld because of hypertension eh? Next year he won’t be able to do MacWorld because of a bad case of death. Sorry fanboys. Suck it!

4. Blue-Ray
No one cares! Unless you have the money for a really big screen and a sweet sound system, regular DVD is just as good. Since most people can’t afford a system that will get anything out of Blue-Ray, it’s a moot point. This along with everything going streaming, physical formats are going to follow soon after.

5. Amy Whinehouse
I’m shocked that crack whore made it to 2009. If she makes it to 2010 I will go live on Ustream singing show tunes by request on New Years day. Seriously. Feel free to call me on it.

6. Digg
Mixx has been catching up quick and niche social news sites will grow until they are the final nail in the coffin that is this waste of bytes. Kevin Rose will then drink himself to death when his “Dark Tipper” micro-brew is found to cause ’shrinkage’.

7. Palm
Robert Scoble has been saying that Palm have recruited a ton of the people that made the iPhone so big. Several people are saying that this new phone is amazing. I say it doesn’t matter how great the phone is because some idiot made an exclusive deal with Sprint. That company is notorious for having the least reliable network. If you can’t get a signal, who cares how great the phone is?  All mobile phone companies are evil, but Sprint is the worst. Palm could have become huge again, but making a deal with Sprint will be the final nail in their coffin. Mark my words!

8. Pete Doherty
Just like with Amy, I’m very shocked this junkie has lived to see 2009. If he makes it to 2010 I will shave “B.S.” into my chest hairs in honor of his band Babyshambles.

9. Print Media
Ok, I’m sure that a few very niche publications will still be around, but every major magazine and every major newspaper will switch to an online focus before the end of the year. Do some research and you will find out that this is not much of a streatch. I’m not even close to being the only person with this prediction.

10. Santa
If that fat bastard doesn’t get me that camera lens and camera I want for Christmas this time I will hunt him down and gut him like Ted Nugent gone wild at a wildlife sanctuary!

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